


But Then Came You

by ALMartin1011



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: And angst, Depressed Loki, F/M, Female Reader, Fluff and Smut and Feels, Jötunn heritage, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki x Reader - Freeform, Reader Insert, Sassy Reader, a soft and slightly chubby loki, because oof, brief non graphic suicide attempt, implied eating disorder, it gets pretty angsty for a bit, loki figuring out his shit, loki has issues okay?, loki healing, loki is such a softie at heart, loki trying to adapt, lots of smut thrown in too, reader being a supportive badass, sweet domestic fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALMartin1011/pseuds/ALMartin1011
Summary: Set a week after Loki’s supposed death on the Statesman, we follow Loki as he tries to adapt to a very changed world. One he’s not sure he even wants to be a part of anymore. Luckily for our favorite trickster, he meets you. A modern girl just trying to work your way through school in NYC and live your best life. There will be feels, fluff, angst, Netflix, takeout, smut, hope, and healing.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Reader, Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 67
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is your official sneak peek at the new fic I’m starting on Monday (4/6/2020).

The light from the explosion of The Statesman was so brilliant it shone across the galaxy, noticed by several planets and drawing the attention of numerous civilizations. The Eluskan people were curious and helpful by nature. Upon spotting the blast they began preparations to send a scout ship the following day. The small crew of six spent days searching the area through the debris; trying to find clues as to what had happened, but finding little more than rubble. 

They were ready to turn back when a small flicker of green light was seen in the distance. The ship was steered in the direction of the light and the closer they got the more visible the body became. The captain had the body brought on board and they began scanning it for signs of life. The man was badly burned and had ligature marks on his throat. No traditional signs of life were found but there was the smallest whisp of seidr still burning within him. It wasn’t much, but it was enough. The crew headed back to Eluska and delivered the man to their healers in hopes of bringing him back.

The healers worked tirelessly for three days until finally their combination of magic and medicine took. The man’s pale sea green eyes snapped open and a deep rattle sprung from his chest as he drew his first breath in over a week. The healers rejoiced and a young female Eluskan leaned over the table to get his attention. “Your name, sir?” She asked. 

“Loki” he replied with a rasp.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki tries to plan his next moves after being dropped off in a post Decimation New York City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! The first chapter is here! Woo. I know I said over on Tumblr that it would be up at 6pm but I literally have no chill when it comes to this fic. I just adore it. There’s no long build up in this one, just straight to our main characters meeting. I hope you enjoy! XOXO - Ash

New York is a shell of the bustling metropolis it once was. Loki wanders the half filled streets quietly planning his next move, still unsure of what to do. The Eluskans had been kind enough to drop him off on Earth since he had nowhere else to go. The fall of Asgard still weighed heavily on his mind, his home planet which thrived for millennia gone in a fiery apocalypse. He had been given a few thousand dollars of US currency and a change of clothes to help get him on his way. They really were the kindest people. Loki had to perpetually bite his tongue so as not to lash out at them for trying to help. It wasn’t their fault they didn’t understand what they had done in bringing him back. Their intentions were good but it doesn’t erase the dreams and memories that have haunted Loki since his resurrection. 

The city feels empty in the wake of The Decimation. It had taken Loki a full day of walking through the abandoned neighborhoods to fully understand what had occurred on Earth over the past few weeks. New York was doing what it did best though; the communities were rallying round each other, helping support those displaced by the loss of family and friends. 

The summer heat wears on Loki and he starts looking for somewhere he can cool off for a bit. He’s hesitant to use his seidr to relieve himself of the heat as it’s been spotty at best since he was brought back. The healers advised it would take some time to return to its former strength after all he’d been through. They had encouraged him to practice with it daily to help strengthen it, like one would do for a weakened muscle. Loki wants little to do with his seidr however. It was the reason they had found his body, the incessant little spark that refused to die, and had also led to his resurrection.

The cafe is empty except for the two baristas who are deep in conversation when Loki enters. He’s running on three days of no sleep and needs the small relief caffeine will bring. The icy blast of air conditioning is helping his fatigue as well and Loki hopes he will be able to linger with his drink for a while without disturbing anyone. 

“What can I get you?” The overly cheerful blonde barista asks him. Her name tag reads “Sunny” and Loki almost chuckles at how appropriate that is.

“Espresso, please. A quad shot.” Loki requests. 

“Anything else?”

“No, that will be all.”

“Name for the cup?”

“Loki” 

Your head snaps up at the name. It’s too rare to be anyone else. “Holy forking shirtballs you’re him! I mean, you’re… you.” You blurt out at an embarrassingly loud volume. 

Loki stares at you like you’ve sprouted six heads. “I beg your pardon?” His tone is almost offended, but mostly baffled by your outburst.

“Sorry, I binge-watched The Good Place on Netflix last weekend. And I didn’t mean to call you out like that, I just… know _of _you. Never expected to meet you face to face like this though.”__

__“The Good Place? Netflix?” Loki is still lost, now bordering on irritated. You speak in the hurried way he’s come to associate with youth, your gestures animated as you talk. If he can’t be served his drink here he’ll have to trudge along for who knows how long until he can find another cafe or, Norns forbid, a Starbucks._ _

__“It’s a show. And you know, Netflix. The streaming service?”_ _

__Loki stares blankly at you._ _

__You’re certain your face is the same shade as a tomato as you continue to flounder for words around him. “Or I guess you probably don’t know. I’m sorry. You know that filter most people have between their brains and their mouths? I don’t have one of those. So I’m gonna go get your espresso and leave you alone now. Sorry, again, really.” You slink away to the espresso bar and start queuing up his shots, praying that the ground will just open up and swallow you whole so you don’t have to face Loki again._ _

__Sunny gives Loki a grin and a half shrug, “You’ll have to forgive Y/N. I wish I could say she’s not normally quite that awkward but she totally is. She means well, you just got her a little starstruck.”_ _

__“Starstruck?” Loki raises an eyebrow at Sunny in disbelief._ _

__“Yeah, totally.” Sunny nods enthusiastically, “You’re a literal god. Who wouldn’t be?”_ _

__“It’s not the reaction I get from most Midgardians.” He confesses._ _

__“Oh right, because of the whole ‘trying to take over New York’ thing.”_ _

__Loki nods at her assumption._ _

__“You don’t have to worry about that with us.” Sunny assures him, “Matter of fact, Y/N did a whole paper on it our first year at Columbia. I think she did it just to piss off our psych professor but it was some of her best work. She argued that it was proof anyone can be peer pressured into anything.”_ _

__“Peer pressure?!” Loki sputters incredulously._ _

__“Well, yeah. I mean, Y/N can explain it better, but basically she drew parallels between Thanos preying on your weaknesses, ie. your desire to rule somewhere, and getting you to do his dirty work for him, to a bully preying on a weaker kid’s insecurities and pressuring them into doing something bad.”_ _

__Loki scowls over at your back, displeased to have a deeply traumatic event reduced to something so simplistic. “I don’t think it was quite that simple.” Loki grumbles._ _

__You hear his grumble, unable to ignore the conversation going on behind your back. “It kinda was though.” You mutter beneath your breath. Or at least, you meant for it to be under your breath._ _

__“I’m sorry, Y/N, was it?” Loki’s tone is bordering on venomous. “Please, come tell me how you know better about a part of my life than I do.”_ _

__The blush that had started to recede flares up again and you force yourself to remain calm and steady as you finish pouring the espresso and turn to face Loki. You spent a whole semester working on that paper and stand by your conclusion. Like hell were you going down without a good fight. “I’m not saying I know your life better than you do.” You clarify, “But I do think the whole ‘Battle of New York’ business is a prime example of peer pressure.”_ _

__Loki’s eyes widen, he’s surprised you’re standing by your preposterous notion even with him glaring daggers at you. “Do I look like an emotionally fragile child to you?” He demands._ _

__“No, but that’s the point. It can happen to anyone. Maybe I’m wrong, but let’s get a few things straight first.” Your brain has gone into investigator mode and you’re in your element now. Loki waives a hand dismissively letting you continue, “Who sought out who? Did you go looking for Thanos or did he find you?”_ _

__“He found me.” Loki replies evenly._ _

__“Before you met Thanos had you ever considered attacking New York?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Would you have tried attacking New York or any other place by yourself?”_ _

__“Well, no. But…”_ _

__“Nope. No buts, mister.” You ignore his scowl, you’re on a roll. Excitement is thrumming through your veins, his answers lining up just the way you want them to. “And how did Thanos convince you to try? Did he by chance remind you of all the awful things your adoptive family did to you? Hiding your heritage, denying you of your rightful throne?”_ _

__“It was common knowledge.”_ _

__“Mhmm. And he offered you a place to rule. You only had to help him with one simple, little thing. You knew your brother favored Earth, right?”_ _

__“He is overly fond of this planet, yes.”_ _

__“And Thanos probably hinted that you’d be ruling the place that was special to your brother. The brother that was given the throne that should have been yours.”_ _

__“Thor and I have reconciled since…”_ _

__“But not six years ago you hadn’t.” You shot Loki a cocky grin, you had him right where you wanted him. “So let’s recap, shall we? A more powerful person reached out to you, reminded you of the alienation of those closest to you, played up your supposed right to rule, offered you a chance to do so, and get back at your brother in the process. He offered you everything you could possibly want and the means to get it. Despite the means being wrong and you knowing they were wrong. Sounds like a bully and peer pressure to me.”_ _

__Loki scowled harder to suppress the smirk that was trying to upturn his lips. You had impressed him more in five minutes than anyone else had in five hundred years. “Insightful little Midgardian. I don’t agree with your theory but you clearly put a lot of thought behind it.”_ _

__“I did, thanks. But how are you here? The news said you died in transit to Earth from Asgard. Not like you haven’t fake died before, but still. It seemed pretty legit this time.”_ _

__“The news was correct, I did die. And now I’m here. Waiting on that espresso you’re holding.”_ _

__You look down at the steaming cup in your hand, “Oh, right. Sorry. Here you go.” You pass the drink to him and his surprisingly cold fingers brush faintly over yours making goose bumps prickle along your arm. “So, what are you doing here in New York? Other than getting a caffeine fix?”_ _

__Loki takes a sip of his coffee, sighing softly in relief before replying. “I’m not sure yet.”_ _

__You give him a half smile and a shrug, “Well, enjoy your drink.”_ _

__“I will.” Loki nods and moves off to the table in the far corner by the window._ _

__You turn your back on Loki to face Sunny, eyes wide, your face splitting into a grin. You mouth oh my god to her dramatically and she stifles a giggle. Loki is only across the room and you’re not too keen on making a fool out of yourself again in front of him. Unsure of how long he plans to stay, you busy yourself cleaning the espresso machine to pass the time. You’ll have a lifetime of gossiping with Sunny once he leaves._ _

__Loki sits quietly watching people pass while he drinks his espresso. The dark brew hits his system like a gut-punch and he can feel the drowsiness retreating a little. It’s enough to keep him going a bit longer and that’s all he can ask for at this point. He knows he will need to sleep at some point soon, god or not he’s still flesh and bone. Sunlight hits the curly golden brown hair of a woman across the street and images of his mother blossom in his mind unbidden. The ache in his chest threatens to double him over but he steels himself, clenching the cup in his hand as hard as he dares without crushing it._ _

__Your eyes keep wandering back to Loki who’s transfixed looking out the cafe window. You try to keep busy but it’s difficult with him so near by. You’d seen many pictures of him and learned so much while working on your paper; it’s no surprise he’s attractive but you had clearly underestimated how attractive he is in person. You notice the second Loki sees something upsetting, the way his eyes darken and his face takes on a haunted expression. You give up pretending you’re unaffected by his presence and head across the room, settling down in the chair opposite him at the table. “You okay?” You ask him softly._ _

__Loki’s eyes remain staring outside and you wonder for a moment if he’d heard you. “I’m fine.” He says finally._ _

__“I doubt that.”_ _

__Loki’s reply is a perturbed frown in your direction._ _

__“Look, I don’t expect you to talk to me. But I’m guessing some shit went down or else you wouldn’t be sitting here sipping espresso and looking like you’re about to pass out.”_ _

__“Some shit indeed.” He bites out deprecatingly._ _

__“Do you at least have a place to stay?”_ _

__“I’ll find one easy enough.”_ _

__“Not right now you won’t. It’s move in weekend for the colleges around here. Plus all the people displaced by The Decimation. There won’t be a free hotel room in the city until at least next week.”_ _

__Loki curses internally. He can’t just wander around aimlessly until he passes out somewhere like a homeless person. Showing up at SHIELD’s front door asking for a room isn’t an option either, he’s still persona non grata with the organization. He doesn’t think they’re still actively hunting for him though. Loki had been told Thor was unavailable when he’d tried to reach out the day he arrived on Earth and he didn’t push, mostly out of fear of rejection. He’s momentarily consumed with agony and anguish again, thinking of his brother and his current aimlessness in this changed world. This is what he had been brought back into, a painful, useless existence._ _

__You watch him struggling internally and you can’t just sit idly by. “If you need a place to crash, Sunny and I live a few blocks over with our friend Chelsi. We had another roommate but she graduated and we haven’t found a new one yet. You’d have a bed and a safe place to stay until you find somewhere else to go.”_ _

__Loki looks at you then, meeting your eyes and it makes your breath catch in your throat. He makes a hum sound that isn’t a no and it spurs you on. “I know I’m a stranger but you probably don’t have many friends in the city and I really just want to help. Take your time deciding, we have books over there to be borrowed if you want to just hang out and read for a bit. My shift ends in two hours and….”_ _

__Loki cuts you off with a wave of his hand. “Stop talking for a minute, will you.” He knows he’s in a tough spot and you have managed to both intrigue and amuse him in the short time since he met you. It’s entirely possible you’re being genuine and want to help but you could also be an assassin. He can't be too careful and he has to be certain. Taking your hands in his, he stares into your eyes and lets his seidr flow through him into you. You feel a sight rush, like when you stand up too fast and your blood pressure drops, and you hold on tightly to his cold hands. Loki searches quickly through your memories and thoughts, digging deep down to the core of your being until he’s satisfied he’s seen enough. There are things buried deep he knows you probably won’t appreciate him seeing but he can be discreet._ _

__Loki holds on to your hands just a moment longer than he needs to, letting your memories wash over him. You at five, running around the playground with your friends and inviting a sad looking little blonde girl to join you. You at ten, laying outside in the dark with the same little blonde girl looking much happier as you study the stars. You and the girl, recognizable as Sunny now, at fifteen when your parents died and you move your things into the guest room next to hers. You at twenty, moving into your first real apartment off campus, excited and terrified all at once. Hundreds of other memories flutter by as well, blurring together to make up your lifetime. School days and old friends, boyfriends and a few bad breakups, vacations and quiet moments spent at home. Loki is soothed by the simple ordinary memories distracting him from his own past. Regretfully he pulls his hands back, breaking the spell of the moment._ _

__“What did you do?” You ask in a hushed tone. You aren’t angry, just curious._ _

__Loki swallows hard, relieved you have forgiven his intrusion. “I had to be sure you weren’t a threat.”_ _

__“You could have just asked.” You point out._ _

__“And you could have lied.”_ _

__“Touché. So, what did you find?”_ _

__“Nothing of concern. I’ll take that room you offered.”_ _

__You’re pleased he’s agreed to come home with you, hoping that you might get to know him a little while he’s there. “Okay.” You agree, unable to hold back your excited smile. “I’ll text Chelsi and give her a heads up. Sunny heard us for sure but,” you raise your voice pointedly, “she’s too damn polite to admit she was listening while she pretends to wipe down a perfectly clean counter top!”_ _

__Sunny laughs and throws the rag down. “Mi casa es su casa, Loki.” She calls back._ _

__“Thank you, Sunny.” Loki calls back with an indulgent smile. He can’t help but be slightly amused by the pair of you. You’re both so young, the cheery optimism of youth still clinging to you and it's a breath of fresh air to him. He doesn’t look much older than you but he’s pushing 1,500 and after all that he’s been through he feels every single year of his age._ _

__“Grab a book or play on your phone or whatever until my shift is over if you want. Alex will be in at five so we can head home.” You tell him as you stand up and head back to the barista bar with Sunny._ _

__Loki wanders over to the bookshelf and pulls down a copy of the first book that catches his eye. Settling into a padded, dark blue velvet chair by the bookshelf, Loki loses himself in the book. He almost doesn’t hear you coming hours later when you stop over with a steaming mug of something topped with foam and sprinkled with cinnamon. “I figured you probably shouldn’t risk more espresso, god or not.” you tell him._ _

__“What is this?” Loki asks, accepting the warm cup from you._ _

__“Chai tea latte. I don’t know what you like but this felt like it might be a good fit.”_ _

__“And why is that?” Loki takes a sip and waits for you to speak before he passes judgement on the taste._ _

__You feel your cheeks heating. You won’t dare tell him your thought process in choosing the drink. Spicy but sweet, complex, an acquired taste, just like the god sitting in front of you. You swallow past the lump of nerves in your throat, “Just a guess, I guess.”_ _

__Loki doesn’t believe your simple answer for a minute but he doesn’t push. “Well you guessed correctly. It’s good.” Loki takes a longer sip, enjoying the rush of sugar across his tongue. He would never admit to something as undignified as having a sweet tooth, but he will admit to himself that he’s enjoying the drink more than anything else he’s had since arriving back on Earth._ _

__“I’m glad.” you say over your shoulder, walking away to help a new customer who just walked in._ _

__Loki hums in appreciation, letting himself have just a few more decadent sips before his self control kicks in and he sets the cup just slightly out of reach on the table next to him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapters will be posted daily so stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You take Loki home with you after your shift to get him settled in. 
> 
> Content Warnings: brief mention of disordered eating habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I know the disordered eating bits of this fic are going to be triggering for some but writing this side of Loki was very cathartic for me. I’ve dealt with an EDNOS for most of my life and while it’s been a few years since I relapsed, it’s still a part of me. As much as I try to make my fics safe spaces for everyone, this fic is not that space. Loki has a lot of issues and he needs to get through them before he can truly heal. That being said, it’s only briefly mentioned in this chapter and most of it is just adorable sad Loki trying to settle in at your apartment. I hope you enjoy it. XOXO - Ash

Alex, your replacement, arrives at the cafe five minutes late, flying in frantically like always. Today’s excuse is the extremely slow woman behind the counter at the bank. Alex is habitually late but he has a heart of gold and is never more than ten minutes late for his shift. He dramatically reenacts the DMV sloth from Zootopia to mimic how slow the woman was while he ties on his dark blue apron. Sunny giggles and swats at Alex when he pulls a spare hair tie off of her wrist. She always has an assortment of them stacked for emergencies and Alex steals them frequently when he forgets his own. He ties up the longer lengths of his blonde hair, exposing the undercut of pastel rainbow colors still clinging to his pale hair after he colored it for the NYC pride parade. You slip out as quickly as you can now that he’s arrived, promising Sunny you’ll save some dinner for when she gets home later. 

Loki spots you in front of the barista bar with your low slung leather bag and you motion towards the door with a tilt of your head. He creases his page and brings the book with him, following you outside.

“Your friends are interesting.” Loki says as you wait to cross to the next block.

“They’re the best.” you tell him firmly, your tone taking on a protective edge.

“I meant it as a compliment. You’re fiercely loyal, aren’t you?”

Your cheeks heat yet again under his scrutinizing gaze. “Yeah, I guess I am. They’re great people though. I’m lucky to have found them.”

“You’ve known Sunny since you were a child of what, five or six?”

“Five. But how did you know…” Loki taps the side of his temple with his index finger, “Oh, yeah, of course. The mind meld thingy.” you shake your head, wondering how much of your life he had really seen. 

“The mind meld thingy.” Loki chuckles softly, “You certainly have a way with words.” 

“No filter, remember?” 

“I’m beginning to believe that more and more.” 

You shoot him a smile and bump shoulders lightly. Loki realizes it was a friendly bump after a moment and returns your smile with one of his own. You walk a few blocks in comfortable silence, enjoying the quiet after a long day at the cafe. It isn’t until you’re at your apartment that you realize you hadn’t stopped for dinner like you planned. “We forgot to grab dinner.” you say with a groan while you collect your mail. As much as you’d rather save money and just walk down the two blocks to the deli, Loki looks a little worse for the wear and you want to get him inside where he can rest. 

“Come on, we’re already home. Let’s just head up and figure something out.” You tell Loki who just nods and follows you into the ancient looking elevator to go up the five floors to your apartment. 

“Welcome to the crap shack.” You announce as you open the door and usher Loki into your apartment. “It’s not much but it’s ours and it’s better than student housing. Even if we have to resort to a ramen only diet some weeks to keep the lights on.” 

Loki looks around the space, surprised three people live in such a small apartment let alone struggle to afford it. There’s a kitchen and dining room space that you’ve entered into and a living room straight ahead. The living room is crowded with two chairs and a sofa which circle a wide coffee table, and there’s a TV mounted between the two tall windows. Two hallways lead off from each side of the living room with three doors down each one. It’s a little cluttered and the furniture is starting to show its age but the overall feeling of your apartment is homey and Loki is surprised to find himself relaxing. 

Loki looks back at you finally and you point everything out to him. “My room and the spare bedroom are down that way at the end, the bathroom is the first door on your right. Chelsi and Sunny’s rooms are down that way and the laundry closet is the first door on your left.” Loki remains silent and you carry on to fill the suddenly awkward silence. “Do you want to order dinner and then we can get you settled in? What kind of things do you like?”

Loki shrugs, “I don’t know a great deal about Midgardian food.” 

“I’m willing to bet it’s pretty different than Asgardian cuisine. Why don’t we just start you out slow with a pizza?”

“I’ve heard of pizza. I’m not sure if I’ll like it though.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t try it.”

“Alright, order a pizza then. I don’t require much food so if I don’t like it, it won’t be a great waste.” 

“I thought Asgardians had higher metabolisms than humans?” You swear you had read that somewhere in your research and their feasts were well known for their extravagance. 

Loki shakes his head, “I’m Jotun, their metabolisms are quite a bit slower. Odin changing my physical appearance did not change my DNA.” 

“So is the way you look just an illusion then? Could you change back to your Jotun form if you found a way to undo what Odin did to you?”

“I wouldn’t look for one even if I suspected it were possible. But it’s not an illusion, think of it more like cosmetic surgery but with magic instead of scalpels.” 

“That, surprisingly, makes a lot of sense. Do you have any other lingering Jotun traits other than a slower metabolism? And how much slower is it comparably?” Your natural inquisitive nature has taken over and you don’t mean to pry but you’re fascinated. 

Loki chuckles, “Curious little one.” 

You cringe despite how mild his tone was. “I’m sorry. My reporter brain takes over and I get carried away.” 

“It’s alright. Most people, Asgardian and Midgardian alike, are too polite to ask and just make assumptions. I enjoy your lack of filter.” 

“I really don’t mean to be rude. You can just tell me to shut up if I go too far. My friends all do.”

“No need. To answer your last few questions; no, my metabolism is not the only difference. My internal temperature is lower so my skin feels cool, I’m a little quicker to anger than most, and my sense of smell is slightly enhanced. The seidr I have is no different than abilities found on all planets but it is still rare. My metabolism is a little less than one fourth of a typical Asgardian’s and maybe ten or twenty percent lower than a Migardian’s.” 

You take a minute to process all the information he’s just dumped on you. It’s tempting to continue picking his brain but you hold off. “That explains why your hands were so cold earlier.” 

He nods confirming your statement. 

“Okay, well I think I’ve pried enough for now. Let me get the pizza order in and we can watch Netflix or something.” You pull out your phone and call your normal place to order a large pie. Loki has wandered off and is appraising the photo collage on the living room wall with a small smile and a furrowed brow. “Pizza will be here in twenty.” You tell him, “Do you want to get settled in while we wait?”

“I don’t have anything that needs settled.” He tells you, showing you his empty palms. He’d trashed his dirty clothes after he’d changed into his spare set yesterday. He truly had nothing. 

“We can make your bed and scrounge up a few things for you. Come on.” You take his hand, amazed by how cool it feels in yours, and lead him down the hall to the spare bedroom. Loki doesn’t protest, he just trails along behind you quietly. He’s nothing like you expected him to be but he’s been through a lot recently and you wonder how badly it has affected him. 

You let Loki look around the small bedroom and you dart into yours to gather up a set of linens for the bed and a fleece blanket for him in case the air conditioning gets too cool for him overnight. “Sorry it’s so girly. It’s my only other set.” You tell him. 

Loki looks down at the soft lavender sheets and the dark purple fleece blanket with a smile. “I suppose beggars cannot be choosers.” He says with a smirk. 

“You could probably change the colors if you wanted to, couldn’t you? With your seidr?” 

Loki has no intention of using his seidr unless absolutely necessary but he won’t admit to his reticence. “They’re fine. I won’t change them.” 

“I appreciate it, they’re my favorites. Why don’t you make the bed and I’ll go find some clothes and shampoo and stuff for you.” You disappear down the hall, emerging minutes later with a small laundry basket filled with the items you’d gathered. Loki is looking out the window and turns at the sound of you walking in. “Success!” You tell him, spreading your finds out on the bed. “Chelsi’s last boyfriend was about your height and there’s two pairs of sweatpants and a few T-shirts that he left and never came back for. She won’t mind if you borrow them, they were just sitting in the bottom of her closet being ignored. He was heavier than you are but I think they’ll fit mostly okay.” 

“Thank you.” Loki says and picks up the faded Pink Floyd shirt on top of the stack. 

“Sunny had a set of hotel shampoo, conditioner, and soap. You can have them. She always collects them and then forgets to use them. Let me know when you want to grab a shower and I’ll find a spare set of towels for you.” 

“Would I have time now for one?” Loki worries that as soon as he has food in his stomach he’ll be too tired for one and he feels disgusting from walking around in the heat. 

“Of course. Let me go find the towels.” You hurry off and grab your spare set of bath towels for him. They’re also purple and you smile thinking that he’ll just have to get used to your obsession with the color. If he stays around long enough to. You hope that he will though. 

Loki thanks you when you hand him the stack and you retreat to your room to give him his privacy. You’re eager to get out of your work clothes, it’s just a simple white shirt and black pants, but you’ve been in them all day. You change into pajamas, deciding that if Loki is going to see you with morning hair tomorrow there’s really no reason to dress up and be uncomfortable now. You’re still presentable in grey leggings and a blue Dunder Mifflin T-shirt, a homage to your love of The Office. You hear the shower starting up and you head down the hall to put on the TV while you wait for Loki and your food. 

The pizza arrives and you hand over all the money you’d earned from the cafe tip jar that day to pay for it. The expense is worth not having to go back out, plus you haven’t had pizza in weeks. Loki emerges shortly afterwards looking sheepish in the borrowed clothes. His long, dark hair falls damply around his shoulders, curling slightly, and he tugs at the hem of the shirt almost nervously. The sweatpants are cinched tight at the waist but they still hang low over his hip bones. The clothes really are too big for his lithe frame but the sight of him still causes a stirring low in your belly. You curtail your wayward thoughts and shoot him a smile. “The pizza’s here.” You tell him.

“Good, I don’t think I’ll be up much longer.” He says with a yawn. 

“Not a problem. You go crash whenever you need to. Come try the pizza while it’s still warm though.” 

Loki follows you to the kitchen where you plop a large, greasy slice of pizza on a plate for him. He eyes it suspiciously but accepts it. 

“What do you want to drink? We have water, beer, iced tea, soda…” 

“Water is fine.” 

You pour him a glass and then lead him back to the living room where you can eat while watching an episode of The Office you had put on. Your T-shirt had put you in the mood and you’d found the beach games episode from season three while scrolling through Netflix. You offer to put something on that he likes but he grumbles that he doesn’t watch television. You’ve seen this episode dozens of times and you find yourself paying more attention to the god beside you than the show. He’s staring down at his plate, poking at the pizza with one long slender finger, not taking a bite. 

“It’s good, I promise.” You encourage him before taking a big bite of your own. 

Loki picks up the slice just as you did and takes a delicate bite of the end. He pauses for a moment, letting the flavors hit his palate before he starts to chew. It’s very different from anything he’s had before and it’s good, so good. He chews thoughtfully and then quickly takes another bite. After four bites he forces himself to set the slice down and pushes the plate away on the coffee table. It’s delicious and he wants more of it but his ironclad self control kicks in and he denies himself the pleasure of eating the whole slice like he knows he easily could. 

Your smile falters slightly when he pushes the plate away. You’d hoped he would like it as much as you do. “Not a fan?” You ask him.

Loki looks over at you, taking in your slightly disappointed expression. “It was wonderful. I quite enjoyed it.” 

“You took four bites. So either you didn’t like it, your metabolism is way slower than you said it was, or you’re intentionally not eating enough. I can go find you crackers or something more plain if you want.” 

“It was delicious, truly. I’m not accustomed to eating much more than a few bites.” Loki wraps his arms around his thin waist, feeling his rib cage solidly under his arms. He’s always fought against his sluggish metabolism to maintain his leanness but with all that’s happened, he wonders what the point of it all had been. Why he had been so possessed to withhold pleasure from himself whether it was food, small luxuries, or physical affections. He prided himself on his self control for over a millennia and it seems a tad bit useless now. His pride had gotten him nowhere in the end. Loki considers just one more bite to appease you but centuries of ingrained deprivation won’t allow it. He pulls his arms around his ribs tighter instead. 

“Okay. Kinda worried about that, to be honest, but you need sleep.” 

Loki rolls his eyes at your concern but stands to clear his plate. 

“Leave it, I was gonna grab another piece and we don’t waste pizza in this house.” 

Loki nods slightly, “I’ll see you in the morning then.” 

“If you wake up before me, feel free to hang out and watch TV or help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I’m usually up by seven.” 

“Thank you, Y/N.” His words are heavy with meaning, more than just for the offer of free food and Netflix. 

You impulsively jump to your feet and wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. You can feel his delicate bones under your arms and you worry again about him refusing more than four bites of pizza. It can wait though. Loki lets himself reciprocate your hug ever so slightly and he barely suppresses a sigh as your scent floods his senses. You’re sweet and warm, slightly cinnamony, with something uniquely you underneath it all. He wants to bury himself in the crook of your neck and never leave. You let go, finally. Loki’s not sure even his rigid self control could have forced him away from you but he lets go when you pull away. “Goodnight.” You say quietly and he echoes the sentiment before heading down the hall to his temporary room. 

Loki curls up in the soft lavender sheets that smell like you, letting himself give in to the crushing exhaustion. Praying that maybe this time he’ll be able to get some rest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki wakes up from yet another memory and finds comfort in your presence. The source of Loki’s restlessness is revealed.
> 
> Content Warning: Mild suicidal ideation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies. Loki is in rough place right now and it’s lucky for him has you to help him through.This chapter starts brushing at the edges of Loki’s suicidal ideation. Remember, this is one of my darker fics but it does have a happy ending. We just have to hang in there with our boy and give him time. XOXO - Ash

Loki wakes the same way he has since his resurrection; the roar of anguish that bursts free from his chest echoes against the thin walls of the room. You’re in the living room with Sunny and you both jump at the sound. You run down the hall frantically while Sunny races to get the aluminum baseball bat you keep by the door. Not that a baseball bat would do much good against real danger but hey, it’s something. You fling the door open to the spare bedroom to find Loki curled up on his side, gripping the comforter so tightly against himself his knuckles are white. Tears are flowing freely and his eyes fly open at the sound of the door opening. 

“Loki!” Your voice waivers with concern and you cross the room to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. Nothing seems to be amiss and you stroke your hand gently down his side trying to comfort him against whatever could be wrong.

Loki doesn’t speak at first. He doesn't trust his voice and he doesn’t want to share this burden with you anyway. He sees a frightened looking Sunny wielding a metal bat in the doorway and despises that he’s made a spectacle of himself. 

“We’re good, Sunny. Go finish cleaning up the living room please?” You ask her with a pointed look. 

She nods, taking the hint, and heads off to put your leftovers away. 

“Nightmare?” You ask Loki, still running a hand down his side. It’s almost like petting a cat, soothing and rhythmic.

Loki nods. It’s easier to blame a nightmare than admit to the truth. Sometimes it really is a nightmare that wakes him, when he relives his death at Thanos’ hand. But this time it was the other reason, the one that is even more painful than his death. He shuts it from his mind, fearing he’ll go insane if he dwells on it too long. He can barely stand to think about it, but it shows up in his dreams with alarming frequency. This time it was particularly painful and he feels completely worn out. Loki hates feeling so fragile, especially in front of others, but he shakes uncontrollably under the blanket nonetheless. 

“Sunny is going to bed in a few minutes, she has the early shift tomorrow at the cafe. I was going to stay up and watch more episodes of The Office if you want to come hang out with me for a bit.” You offer. 

Loki nods again and pulls himself up. You grab the blanket and carry it down the hall with you. Sunny looks over as you enter the living room and you give her a small discrete wave as she heads down the other hallway to her room. You sit down in your normal seat on the sofa and pull Loki down next to you. He’s almost childlike in how he allows you to push him gently about. You move him so he’s lying across the other two cushions with his head on your lap. Carefully you drape the blanket over him and then turn your show back on. Idly you find yourself carding your fingers through his almost dry hair. It’s just after nine thirty and you aren’t quite tired yet despite having been up since five in the morning for your opening shift. Loki is quiet, not sleeping but not really paying attention to anything either. You wonder if he’ll ever want to talk about what has him so shaken. It doesn’t matter though, you’ll sit with him as long as it takes to bring him whatever comfort you can. 

Loki drifts in and out of consciousness on the sofa. Your presence is a balm on his tortured mind and he wants to cling to you until all the ugliness recedes for good. It’s not possible, but he wishes it were. You have been impossibly kind and understanding in the hours he’s known you. He doesn’t know what he’d done for the Norns to have allowed him to find you. Loki hadn’t thought people like you existed anymore but he’s glad to have been wrong. The rhythm of your breathing and your fingers running through his hair mix until he’s struggling to keep his eyes open. 

You don’t have the heart to move Loki when you start yawning a little while later. Instead, you slump further into your seat and let yourself drift off to sleep where you sit. When Chelsi gets home shortly after two in the morning you and Loki both wake at the sound of the front door. Loki looks up, on edge and a little confused as to where he is. “It’s just Chelsi getting home. We fell asleep.” You tell him softly. Loki nods and sits up, pulling the blanket around his shoulders like a cape. “You gonna be okay?” You ask when he steps away. Loki’s eyes are haunted but he nods and continues on his way. 

You take a minute to talk to Chelsi and fill her in before heading down to your own room. You pause outside Loki’s door, wanting to check on him but also wanting to give him his privacy. Ultimately you pull yourself away and go to bed, hoping he’s resting peacefully now. 

Loki stares at the ceiling of his room, listening to you settle in for the night. Part of him had hoped you would come in when you paused by his door but it had been for the best you hadn’t. He can’t afford to get attached to anyone. Loki still doesn’t have any set plans for the future and he’s starting to think he doesn’t have one anymore. His natural life had ended and it should have just stayed that way. He can’t shake the feeling he’s just a slightly less grotesque Frankenstein’s monster, rattling around aimlessly until people realize who he is and come to destroy him. It’s difficult to get back to sleep but he lets himself be comforted by your scent, surrounded by your blankets. He can worry about the fond emotions that have manifested towards you in the morning after he’s had a little more rest. 

It’s just after dawn when Loki wakes again and he manages to hold back the sob that bubbled up when he woke. He wishes it had been his death in his dreams but once again, it wasn’t. It was worse. Loki can still hear his mother’s voice echoing in his ears as he crosses the hall to use the bathroom. He stares in the mirror over the sink as he washes his hands, hating the reflection staring back at him. He closes his eyes remembering the feeling of his mother caressing his cheek as she said goodbye moments before was ripped away from her. Loki shudders and goes back to his room where he can find solace in the blankets that still smell like you. He misses his mother to the point of physical pain and he fights for self control so as not to start crying again. It’s just too much. Frigga’s death had weighed heavily on him but when he was reunited with her in Valhalla his very soul rejoiced. 

Loki had never expected to go to Valhalla after his death, he thought for sure he was destined for Hel after a lifetime of trickery. He spent the first few days thinking it was all a big mistake and he would be cast out when they discovered the error. But Frigga had been there with open arms to welcome her son. Odin had greeted him too, the two making peace finally in the afterlife. He spent his short time there walking around various gardens with his mother and exploring endless libraries. It was as perfect and peaceful as the legends had foretold and Loki was humbled to have been accepted into Valhalla for eternity. Until they ripped him away from it. 

_He had known something was wrong when a sharp tugging sensation had started in his chest. He was picking a bouquet with Frigga and had dropped their basket from the pain. He had looked to his mother with frightened eyes as the pain increased and a green glow started expanding around him. Frigga had held his hands tightly in hers until he started fading and the last thing he heard was her voice telling him she loved him and she would miss him until they met again._ Tears flow freely as Loki is lost in the memory, a sob breaking free despite himself. Those tender, loving memories are worse than those of his death. He can withstand the pain of Thanos crushing his windpipe and snapping his neck, but losing his mother again and being snatched from a blissful afterlife is just too much to bear. 

Loki hates the Eluskans for bringing him back to a world filled with pain and chaos when he had finally found peace. He knows they meant well but that amounts to little when he’s been forced back into a life he no longer wants. He wonders briefly what it will take to kill him in his weakened state. He would need to act soon, before he regains his former strength, but he might find a way. Loki thinks of you, sleeping in the room next to his, and he doesn’t think he could do it with you around. He wouldn’t want to burden you with his death on your watch. You’re too caring, surely you would blame yourself and he won’t put that on you. 

Shaking off his depressive thoughts forcefully, Loki finds the book he’d taken from the cafe and dives back into the story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: You love Cinnabon creamer and Loki won’t even butter his toast. It’s going to take a while but you’re determined to make the god relax a little.
> 
> Content Warning: Reference to eating disordered habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Who wouldn’t want to wake up to a grumpy Norse god in their apartment? Loki might still be a bit of a grump but dang I’ll share my toast with him any day of the week. Again, heed the warning - it’s never specified but Loki does have disordered eating and it’s touched on again in this chapter. Also, Cinnabon creamer is a real thing. It gives me slight anxiety thinking about what’s in it BUT I have friends who rave over the stuff. So if flavored coffee creamers are your jam, check it out. XOXO - Ash

You wake to the morning light shining through the blinds in your bedroom directly into your eyes. It’s your day off after working six in a row and you’re thankful to have woken up on your own and not to an alarm. Your plans for the day will probably need to be adjusted due to your unexpected guest but you don’t mind. How often is it that you get to meet an actual god, and a fascinating, handsome one at that. It surely won't happen again in your lifetime and you’re not going to waste the opportunity to get to know Loki a little before he leaves. 

Loki listens as you get out of bed and walk across the hall to the bathroom. He climbs out of his own bed and cracks his door enough so that you will hopefully get curious and peek in on him. He slips back under the blankets and resumes reading. His plan works and moments later you poke your head in the open door to find him in his bed, book propped up in one hand, his eyes scanning the page.

“Morning.” You call out to him.

Loki closes the book and looks over to you, his pale green eyes lighting up at your presence. “Good morning. I trust you slept well?” He asks. 

“Yeah, just fine, thanks. Did you sleep better after you went back to bed?”

“I managed.” 

You want to call him on a lie but he does look more rested than he had the night before. “I’m gonna make some coffee. Do you want a cup?” 

“I’ll join you.” Loki gets up, still dressed in the borrowed clothes from the night before and your pulse quickens at the way the sweatpants ride low on his hips, showing a brief flash of pale skin before he tugs the shirt down again. 

You wander out to the kitchen and start up the electric kettle to boil enough water for the French press. Having worked at the cafe for a few years now you had gotten used to good coffee and wanted to enjoy a quality cup even on your days off. The French press had been a gift from your roommates the first Christmas after you started working there. Across from you, Loki pulls himself up to sit on the long counter top against the half wall separating the kitchen from the living room. He watches intently as you move around the kitchen making coffee, learning the process as you go. You set the timer on the stove after pouring the boiling water over the grounds and then turn to your attention back on him. 

“What are your plans for the day?” You ask, pulling yourself up onto the counter next to him. Though with a little bit more of hop, considering you’re more than half a foot shorter than the god.

“I need to secure funds to keep me going. I have a bit from the people who brought me here but it won’t be enough for long.” He says, considering his options. 

“We’re hiring at the cafe. I could get you a job there but it’s not exactly a lucrative one.” 

“I wouldn’t even know where to start with that.” Loki knows his options are limited and he’s going to have to resort to using his seidr again. “I have a cache of things I might be able to access that should be quite valuable here but I would need a way to sell them.” 

“If it’s just basic gold and stuff there’s pawn shops all over that will get you a little bit of money. But if it’s really high value things you might want to go to an auction house. There’s a few around the city depending on how big of a deal the items are that you’re trying to unload.”

Loki tries to think of everything he has stashed in his little void that he’s willing to part with. Honestly nothing holds much value to him anymore and he only wants to ensure he has enough to keep himself alive for however long he decides he wants to remain that way. “It’s a mix of things. Could we maybe sell a few small things today and deal with an auction house later on?” 

“Sure. Whatever you want to do. I have to get groceries and do laundry today but other than that I’m free. Where do we need to go to get your things?”

Loki shakes his head, “No, it’ll only take a minute.” He looks upset as he waves an outstretched hand, circling his wrist until a stack of gold chains and a scattering of jewels appear in his palm. You jump before you can help yourself and Loki looks over apologetically. “I don’t like doing that either. Sorry.” 

“No, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it.” You assure him. “Why don’t you like using your powers though?”

“It’s complicated.” He grumbles as he starts spreading out his treasures on the counter top between you. 

“We need to go to a jeweler with all this. You’ll get the best price from them because they‘ll know what it is. A pawn shop would rob you blind for this kind of stuff. Let me make some calls once places open and see if anyone would be willing to meet with us today.” 

“Whatever you think is best.” 

You want to ask him more but the timer buzzes and you hop down to pour your cups of coffee. “What do you want in yours?” You ask him.

“I don’t need anything in it.” 

“You sure? I have Cinnabon creamer.” You pull the container from the fridge and waggle it at him teasingly. 

Loki lets out a small, amused huff and shakes his head. “I don’t even want to know what that is.”

You hand him his plain cup of coffee and pour a splash of the creamer in your cup. You rejoin him on the counter, wanting to enjoy your first cup of the day before starting on breakfast. “Just take one sip of this.” You nudge Loki with your cup and shoot him an imploring look. 

“Fine. One.” He pouts, putting down his cup and taking yours. He allows himself the smallest sip before handing the cup back to you. It’s hard to let go when the sweetness hits his tongue. It’s divine and he wants to down the whole cup in one go. Reining himself in, he picks up his plain black coffee and resumes drinking it.

“You certainly looked like you enjoyed it.” You say with a roll of your eyes.

“It was very good, if unnecessary.” 

“Unnecessary.” You test the word contemplatively. “Why does it have to be necessary? Why can’t it just be frivolous and wonderful?” 

Loki shoots you an unamused side eye as he sips his coffee. 

“You’re too uptight. What are you afraid will happen if you let yourself enjoy something for no reason other than liking it?” You challenge. 

The only response you get is an exasperated sigh. You let the topic drop and move on to drinking your coffee in silence until it’s long gone and you hop down to start on breakfast. “What are you in the mood for? We have cereal, eggs, toast, leftovers, and I might have a little pancake mix left to whip some up if you want.” 

“Toast is fine.” Loki opts for something he’s familiar with. 

“Why does that not surprise me at all? Do you eat it dry too or will you deign to butter it? I won’t hold my breath that you’ll consider jam.” you’re pushing him a bit but you’ve seen eating disordered behavior before and his habits are screaming red flags so far. You hope that if you gently poke around the issue you can sort out if there is something to worry about or not, or maybe he’ll open up about it. 

Loki glares over at you, unwilling to be amused by your sass. 

You pop a piece of wheat bread in the toaster for him and go to pour yourself a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The toast pops up just after you take your first bite and Loki hops down to collect his breakfast. As expected, he doesn’t butter it at all, simply tears a piece off and pops it in his mouth. 

There’s tension in the room while you eat your breakfast in silence. You know he’s been through a lot but you expected Loki to be more lively in person. You expected someone mischievous and full of lighthearted fun. The man sitting next to you chewing on his, frankly disgusting, dry wheat toast is tightly wound and devoid of any type of pleasure. You want to ruffle his hair a bit, get him to drop the walls that surround his personality like a fortress. You wonder how long the walls have been up and what their presence has cost him. “You’re not what I expected at all.” you blurt out, your mouth getting ahead of your brain yet again.

You expect a glare or a grumble but he just looks... sad. His voice is low as he stares at the kitchen floor. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“No!” You say a beat too quickly, “You haven’t, not at all. I’m still glad to have met you, I really am. But in everything I read you always come across as being so lively and mischievous.” 

“To be lively one needs to enjoy life. I have found nothing enjoyable about being brought back into this mess.” 

You move into his line of view, concerned. “Well, maybe if you’d let yourself put some creamer in that coffee you’d have something to enjoy.” You joke, trying to lighten his mood.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“Pffft. We’ll see. I think you were this uptight before your death too.” 

“I don’t think anyone has ever called me _uptight_ before.” 

“What would you call it then? You don’t seem to let yourself enjoy anything in life.”

“And what do you suggest is the alternative? Should we all just be hedonists running around with no regard for anything other than personal pleasure?” 

Your breathing hitches at the way his eyes spark and the sound of the word _pleasure_ falling from his lips. “There can be balance.” you say slowly.

“Balance?” he echoes. 

“Yeah, _balance_. You don’t spend your whole life watching crap TV but at the end of a long day when your work is done, hell yes - take some time and enjoy a few episodes of your favorite show. You wouldn’t have cake three meals a day or even every day, but if you’re offered a piece at a party - hell yes, enjoy that cake. You have to be able to balance the shitty parts of life with the good ones. Like listening to your favorite playlist while you clean, or taking a long weekend away after a stressful few months.” 

“You make it sound so simple.”

“It is. You just have to let yourself try.”

“I’ve tried changing before, it never ends well. We all are who we are in the end.”

“People change every day. And besides, you never had me in your life before.”

“Cocky, aren’t you?”

“Only when I’m sure about something.”

Loki shakes his head, his smirk hidden by his long hair. 

You’re certain you’ve won a small battle but you still have your sights set on the war.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: You show Loki a bit of the city by taking him out of a few essentials. It doesn’t go quite as you planned, but with Loki, what ever does?
> 
> Content Warning: A very dominant frost giant confronts a sassy reader in the frozen food aisle. That’s a spicy as it gets this chapter folks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Who’s ready for some domesticated Loki? We’re starting to see a bit of him in this chapter. He’s still not convinced he’s willing to keep on going but you’re making him try whether he likes it or not. I hope ya’ll are enjoying this fic so far! XOXO - Ash

After breakfast you start a load of laundry from the pile that accumulated by your closet over the past week. You toss Loki’s clothes in with yours so that he’ll have something presentable to wear out later. It’s odd he doesn’t have any belongings with him but you assume personal belongings weren’t a priority when he was being brought back from the dead. 

“Do you want to pick up a few things while we’re out?” you ask him as you tidy up the living room. 

Loki is sitting quietly, flipping through one of your old calculus textbooks like it’s a magazine. He stops and looks up at you curiously. “Like what?” 

“Extra clothes, your own toiletries, do you even have a phone?” 

“I don’t need a phone. Who would I need to be in contact with? Perhaps clothing would be a good idea, but my funds are limited until we sell some things.”

“You need a phone. They’re not just for calling people, you can look at things online, read books, play games. I think my old one is laying around here somewhere and it’s still usable. We could pop you on my plan until you’re able to get your own. It would be like $20 for a month.” 

“Perhaps, if I must.”

“There’s a thrift shop I like down the block, we could try to get clothes there for you. They’re super cheap and have pretty nice stuff.”

“Alright. Just a few things though.”

You try to suppress your glee. You’re wearing him down slowly and it becomes your mission to make the god enjoy his new lease on life. 

Once the laundry is dry Loki goes to change while you fold your clothes. He emerges dressed in the same black slacks and button up he arrived in yesterday. “Could I trouble you for a brush?” he asks sheepishly from the doorway. 

“Yeah, of course. Do you want a hair tie too? It’s over on the dresser.” you point to your right before continuing to fold a pair of leggings.

Loki crosses your small room, looking around to admire the way you’ve made the space your own. The air smells of you and he breathes deeply, contented by the scent. He tugs your brush through his hair roughly, irritated he had slept on it wet and it’s now a tangled mess. Before, he would have magicked away the tangles and had perfect hair with the wave of a hand. Now, he hates his former reliance on his powers.

You see him struggling and join him in front of your dresser, watching his reflection in the mirror. You pick up a blue spray bottle and hold it up to him. “It’s leave-in conditioner.” you tell him, “It’ll get the tangles out easier.” 

Loki looks at the bottle, confused. 

“Come sit, I’ll show you.”

Loki takes a seat on the edge of your bed, watching your every move. You spray the leave-in conditioner around his hair, focusing on the ends, and then run your fingers lightly through his locks. Satisfied you’ve used enough, you take the brush from him and start working it through his hair, starting at the bottom where it brushes across his shoulders and working your way up in sections so it doesn’t pull on his scalp. Once you’ve finished, you take a little extra time to continue brushing his hair in a soothing rhythm, admiring the way it shines blue-black in the light, his naturally beautiful hair made even glossier by the spray. Loki all but purrs at the sensation of having his hair brushed. The tension in his shoulders has loosened and he holds himself softer than he did when he first sat down. No one had done this for him since he was a small boy and it’s a deeply comforting feeling. He feels cherished, despite having only known you for a day. 

You set the brush down at last and run a hand across his back, gently signaling you’re finished. “All set.” your voice is hushed. The atmosphere in the room changed while you worked, becoming quieter, more intimate, the very air seeming thicker.

“That was lovely.” Loki murmurs and he reaches back, clasping your hand against his shoulder with his. He squeezes gently and you have to fight the urge to lean forward and press a kiss to the top of his head. Loki lets go after a moment but silently mourns the loss of contact with you. “Shall we head out then?” he asks at a more normal volume. 

“Sure, let me put these away and we can go. It’s still early but the grocery store will be open. I just need to get a few things.” 

You tuck your remaining clothes into your dresser drawers and then grab your canvas bags to take along. Loki just watches you, not commenting, and you’re amused by how attentive he is. You can’t tell if he’s watching you because he’s trying to learn how to function in the world, if it’s because you’re the only person around, or if he just likes looking at you for some reason. Regardless of the reason, you do your best to carry on about your day as if it were the most normal thing in the world. 

Loki is off put by the loud, bustling city around you as you make your way down to the nearest grocer. It’s a fifteen minute walk but it has good prices and better options than the bodegas on the corners near your apartment. He listens as you rattle off certain landmarks during your walk to fill the silence, enjoying the new insight into your life. You tell him which Chinese restaurant has the best take out, the bookshop you favor because their used book section is enormous, and the thrift shop you want to take him to later for clothes. Loki drinks in the sights and is committing your recommendations to memory before he realizes it’s futile, he won’t likely be around the city much longer. A small, quiet, part of him wants to be though. 

The grocery store is busy for a weekday morning but you know the store like the back of your hand and you dart around gathering your things with ease. Loki shakes his head as you deliberate over a carton of ice cream. You’ve been staring at it longingly as you move around the frozen foods section gathering bags of vegetables and a few ready made meals. “Why don’t you just buy it?” he asks, wondering why you, of all people, are so hesitant. 

“Ehhh.” you wave your hand dismissively going back on the hunt for the best price on frozen broccoli. “I don’t need it and it’s expensive.”

“It’s on sale.” Loki points at the yellow tag you had taught him indicates a special sale price. 

“It’s still three dollars I don’t need to spend.”

Loki frowns, “But you’re the one encouraging me to do things just because they’re enjoyable. You enjoy that particular ice cream, yes?”

“Yes, but I like having side dishes for a whole week more.” You shake the bulk size bag of broccoli at him to emphasize your point. 

Loki’s frown deepens. He knows that you’re not well off, but your genuine concern over three dollars worries him. You took him in without a second thought, despite barely having enough to get by. “Allow me to buy it for you.” he offers rummaging through his pockets for some cash.

“No, Loki, you don’t… you don’t have to do that.” you’re flustered by the kindness in his voice.

“I want to. Let me get it for you. And maybe some of that bacon you said wasn’t on sale this week.” 

“Really, it’s fine. You don’t have a job and I do. It’s not fair for you to run through your money right now.” 

Irritation simmers within Loki. He wants to make you accept his help whether you like it or not. He wants to push you up against the cold freezer doors and stare you down until you submit to him. He would buy everything and anything you might need and force you to accept it. The overprotective urge slams into his chest and he’s rattled by its intensity. He clenches his hands at his sides, “I can do this one thing for you after all you’ve done for me.” he grits out forcefully.

Your temper flares. You’ve never been one to back down from a fight, you like a challenge in fact, and his barely concealed ire fans your combative instincts. “I’ll be fine. End of conversation. Stop being an idiot.” you bite back at him.

Loki’s blood sings with the desire to physically crowd you and intimidate you until you’re bending to his will. He just wants to take care of you damnit. “Do you know what happened to the last person to call me an idiot?”

“Did they win an argument? Because I’m pretty sure that’s where this is headed. I don’t need your money, Loki.”

Loki laughs despite himself. He loves that you don’t back down from his ire as much as it frustrates him. He shakes his head, hoping he can still help you see reason. “I have just over three thousand dollars to tide me over until I can liquidate some of my possessions. Then I will be set for several lifetimes. I will be fine in the long run. You, however, had to stop and check your bank balance when we got here so could ensure you had enough to get food.” 

You bristle at the last comment. “I’m just frugal, that’s all. I’ve worked my way through school for five years now and I only have one more year left. I could have taken out larger loans but I chose to work instead. This is my choice, Loki.” 

“You would have made the perfect Valkyrie had you been born on Asgard.” 

You realize he’s relenting and you take the opportunity to move on and head to the checkouts. “I read a little about the Valkyries.” you tell him as you unload your cart onto the conveyor belt, “They were amazing women. I don’t think I’d fit in, though.”

Loki shakes his head, disagreeing, “You’d be perfect.”

“I’m not exactly the athletic type.” you cup your wide, rounded hips in your hands to emphasize your point. 

Loki’s eyes become transfixed on your curves and his thoughts stray to how they would feel under his fingertips. Completely inappropriate thoughts while out in public he realizes and pulls himself back to the present. He swallows with some effort and nervously tucks a lock of hair back behind his ear. 

You try to decipher his expression and for a fleeting moment you think it might be attraction, but the cashier rattles off your total and the moment is lost. Your hesitation is your downfall and Loki hands the cashier a fifty dollar bill, covering the entire cost of your groceries, before you can get your wallet out. “No!” you squeak uselessly at him. The cashier raises an eyebrow in your direction but hands Loki his change without comment. 

You’re shaking with indignation by the time you get to the sidewalk. Loki grabbed the bags too and you’re left with empty hands. “I can’t believe you did that, you stubborn ass.” you seethe.

Loki’s temper rises again and he closes the distance between you, “You should have just let me buy the ice cream, princess.” 

“I won’t have you wasting your money on me.” 

“Likewise.” Loki turns abruptly, ending the argument, and you scramble to keep up with him. He’s so much taller that your legs have to move in double time to keep up with his long stride. You both huff a little on the way back to your apartment, annoyed but not willing to continue a useless argument. Mostly it’s been hard to reconcile the god beside you to the one you’d studied for your paper, but when his temper flares you can absolutely see the imposing, regal figure he must have been in the Court of Asgard. 

It’s barely nine o’clock when you get back to your apartment and you can finally start calling jewelers once the groceries are put away. After calling around to a few of the more reputable places you get an appointment at a shop that specializes in high end estate jewelry. They are very interested in the old “off world” jewelry you mention. You give Loki a thumbs up as you confirm an eleven o’clock appointment for that day. 

You spend your down time reorganizing your closet while Loki sits on your bed playing a puzzle game on your phone. Every so often you hear a small “ha!” from him as he beats another challenging level. It’s oddly comfortable and you hope that Loki will stay a little longer even after the hotels all free up next week. You find your old phone in its box as you move things around and toss it to him blindly. It thumps onto your bed and Loki stares at it a moment. “For you.” you tell him, “We’ll get you set up for a month on my plan to get you started. You can get your own later.” 

“I can get my own easily enough.” he complains.

“It’ll at least give you a month to figure out what you want. You can install your own games on it too.” 

Loki looks thoughtfully at the small screen in his hand. He can see the allure in the devices, having played on it for a bit. “Fine, but I’m paying you back.”

“You already bought groceries.”

“And I’ll buy you a damn castle if I feel like it. Stop pushing your luck.”

Your cheeks flush and it’s hard for you to let it go, but you do. You don’t want to keep arguing with him. His stubborn, hot headed tendencies are more pronounced since he got some rest and it clashes with your own natural feistiness. “We need to leave for the jeweler’s soon. Do you want to stop at the thrift shop on our way back?” 

“Yes, I suppose we should.” 

“Here, give me my phone back and we’ll charge yours and get it set up.” 

Loki closes out his game and hands the device back to you. One quick call later, he has his own phone number on your account for thirty days and your old phone is charging in your room while you head out to the jewelers. 

It was fortunate the jeweler you met with was one of the larger shops within the city because they are able to purchase the lot from Loki at one shot. You had expected him to come away with a good amount of money but the six figure check in his hand could buy a small house. “It’s a decent start.” he says as you head down the street to your bank.

You roll your eyes at his understatement but then again, it really isn’t for him. The shop promised to contact him as soon as they’re ready for more pieces and he told the owner he had plenty more to sell, plus other various relics if they were interested. The man had given him a card of the auction house they work with too, so he can set up an appointment for next week to meet with them. 

While it’s easy for you to look beyond Loki’s past it becomes clear as the day wears on that not everyone feels the same. It’s little things that snowball until Loki’s spirited demeanor is long gone. A woman at the bank who won’t wait on him, mothers who pull their children closer as they pass him on the street, the blatant distasteful stares of some people, and finally a hateful whisper of “murderer” from a woman in the dressing room of the thrift shop. Loki slowly pulls further and further in on himself with each slight and it breaks your heart watching it. The rude woman in the dressing room is almost enough to have you telling her off but Loki looks so pale and shaken sitting on the dressing room bench that you pull yourself together for his sake. You rub his back tenderly, asking him if he’s ready to go. He lifts his head to look at you and nods slightly. 

You would have expected him to lash out at people but the way he has shut down scares you more than his anger ever would. There is deeper pain buried there whether he’s willing to talk about it or not. You help him to the counter, pulling his cold hand in your warm one, and introduce him to Kim, the shop owner you had befriended when you started going there years ago. Loki is polite but distinctly reserved. You keep his hand in yours the entire way home, wanting to show him in some small way that he isn’t alone. 

Back in the comfort of your apartment you curl up next to Loki on the sofa to help him install games on his phone. He’s still shut down looking and you can’t help but try. “Do you want to talk about it?” you ask, hoping he will understand your greater meaning.

Loki sighs deeply, “No, I don’t think I do.” 

“You can, though. If you ever want to. I’m here and I promise I’ll just listen. No comments. No judgement.” 

“It’s nothing. It was to be expected really.” 

“How so?”

“You only see the best in me.” Loki looks pained at the thought, “I am the monster parents tell their children about at night. You may forget that, but it’s who I am.” 

“We’ve been over this, you are not entirely at fault for the attack on New York.”

“It’s not just New York!” Loki booms. You jump instinctively and he rakes a hand through his hair in exasperation. His tone is viscous yet pleading. “Don’t you get it? I’ve always been the monster, the villain. Growing up I was pitted time after time against my perfect shining brother who looked at me as competition instead of family. I always wondered why until I learned I was Jotun. Born of the very monsters my so called father fought to eradicate. All the New York incident did was show my true nature to a few more planets. It’s only a matter of time until you see it too.” 

“I’m sorry.” you move so that you’re leaning directly into his line of sight and take both of his hands in yours.

Loki all but deflates at your words and the contact.

“I’m sorry that you were dealt a shit hand in life.” you continue, “But you don’t have to be a monster if you don’t want to be. People can change if they put their minds to it.”

“It’s too late for me.” he implores, trying to get you understand. He’s too far gone now, there is no redemption for all that he’s done. 

“It’s never too late. Stay with me. Even after the hotels free up next week. Stay and let me show you that it doesn’t have to be that way.” 

“You would ruin your life for someone you don’t even know.” 

“I know enough.” 

Loki just shakes his head, he knows you won’t be convinced. It also solidifies in his mind that he needs to leave as soon as he can. You’re stirring long forgotten primal instincts within him that he’d rather remain forgotten. Feelings for you, and in general, complicate things too much. He sits back as you turn on a movie he’s never heard of and his mind spins, planning for what he thinks is going to be a very brief future.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Fearful of what his presence in your life will do to you, Loki decides he can’t stay any longer. Wanting to enjoy his last night alive, Loki indulges in all the things he’s deprived himself of over the centuries.
> 
> Content Warning: Mention of suicidal ideation but mostly smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies. Our boy has just about hit rock bottom and he’s decided to go out with a bang. This chapter really kicks me in the feels. Maybe it’s the wine I’ve been sipping on this evening. Maybe it’s because I know what’s coming next. But I think it’s mostly because Loki finally hits his _fuck it_ point and really lets himself enjoy life for a moment before it’s all over. So please enjoy this lovely bit of sweet smut before it all goes to hell. XOXO - Ash

Loki’s plans are solidified by the time your movie is over and he’s trying not to look as down as he feels. He’s spent the better part of two hours watching the way your face lights up when you laugh, listening to the small sighs you make when you see something heartwarming, and feeling the warmth of your body curled up against his. It’s intoxicating and he wishes he weren’t so poisonous that he could actually spend more time by your side. Loki knows it’s not meant to be, he won’t risk you ruining your life over the likes of him and the longer he stays the worse leaving will be. He plans to give you some money when he leaves, enough that you won’t want for anything until you finish school and can get a better job. He doesn’t want you to struggle in life. Loki also doesn’t want his death on your conscience so it’s imperative you think he’s just gone off somewhere. 

“You’re working tomorrow, correct?” he asks out of the blue.

“Yeah, in the morning. What did you want to do while I’m there? You can hang out here or come with me and hang out in the cafe for a bit.” 

“Will your roommates be home?”

“Sunny has the mid-shift so she’ll leave around ten thirty and Chelsi will be sleeping until at least noon but then she’ll be around. Why?”

“I might hang around here for a bit, try to reach out to some old friends for a more permanent place to stay.” 

“I was serious about you staying here. We have the room for now.” 

“I don’t want to impose any longer than I have to.”

You go to protest again but your stomach growls and Loki raises his eyebrows at you. 

“Can I buy you dinner?” he asks with sincere hopefulness. 

The look on his face stops the argument you normally would have put up.“Will you eat with me?”

Loki considers for a moment. It’s his last night, he might as well enjoy himself. “Okay. You place the order and I’ll pay when it arrives. Get whatever you think I will like most and lots of it.”

“You sure? I can rack up one hell of a Chinese food bill.”

“Anything and everything, princess. Make the call.” Loki wants so badly to spoil you. He wants his last memories of you to be happy ones and wishes he could do more for you in the short time that he has. 

You grab your phone and call the place you had walked past on your way to the grocery store. The order goes on for minutes and you’ve ordered enough to feed a small army. You don’t want to take advantage but if he’s actually going to try and eat something you want there to be options for him. Besides you rationalize, he’ll have the leftovers for lunches or dinners while you work. 

“You know, I think I have some mead in my cache if you want to drink a little.” he offers once you’ve hung up. 

“From Asgard? I’ve heard of the stuff but never tried it. I’d love to.” you’re eager to taste the legendary drink and you hope it’s not quite as strong as the stories boast it to be. Your tolerance for alcohol has always been low but perhaps you’ll fair okay if you only try a sip or two. You certainly aren’t going to miss an opportunity to try something new.

Loki produces a glass jug with a swirl of his wrist and uncorks it with a loud pop. He sniffs the contents deeply and nods, “It’s still good.” 

You hop up from the sofa to grab a pair of glasses. There’s nothing fancy but you manage to produce two small tumblers made of real glass from the hodge podge collection in your cabinet. Loki joins you in the kitchen and pours barely a mouthful in your cup while proceeding to fill his halfway. “Skol” he toasts and you parrot the word back, tapping your glass against his. The liquid hits your tongue like honey and you’re surprised it doesn’t burn like most liquor. 

“What do you think?” Loki looks amused over the rim of his glass as he takes another swallow. 

“It’s good. A little sweet but I like it. I don’t think it’ll get me drunk though.”

“You say that now. You can have one more splash and that’s all until we see how you do.”

You grumble lightly as Loki pours another small amount in your glass. It goes down just as easily and you wish you could have more. 

You don’t notice the effects at first. Loki finishes his glass after a few minutes and you hop down from the counter top to follow him back to the living room. And _that_ is when the world spins. “Whoa.” you groan, one hand gripping the counter to steady yourself. 

Loki chuckles, “I warned you, little one.” Carefully he loops your arm in his and leads you back to the sofa. You sit down with a heavy thump, amazed by the warmth in your chest and how spacey your head feels. It’s like you’ve downed several shots of good bourbon all in a row. 

“So this is Asgardian mead.” you mumble. You can feel the rumble of another chuckle in Loki’s chest and you move yourself onto his lap, enjoying how cool he feels against your flushed skin. The mead has made you loose limbed and languid, devoid of modesty. 

Loki knows he should set you back on your own seat but, he muses, he’s always been a selfish bastard and he’s starting to feel the effects of the mead himself. He could drink an entire glass or two before becoming truly drunk and he thinks he might do just that before the night is done. Loki runs a hand up your back, helping to steady you, and you moan at the contact. He likes the sounds you make as he moves his hands in soothing circles across your back, so he keeps it up. You’re boneless in his lap, your head swimming with the mead and his gentle touches. You wonder absently if you can coax him into your bed for the night, if for no other reason than to not lose the delicious contact of his skin against yours. 

Time becomes a funny concept and the doorbell chimes after what feels like only a few minutes. Loki extricates himself from underneath you and goes to collect your meals. He’s surprised upon standing that the mead hit him a little harder than expected, making his movements slow and deliberate. Loki carries the load back to the coffee table before heading to the kitchen for everything else you’ll need. You lean back on the sofa, almost laying down, and watch him with amusement. He knows exactly where your dishes and silverware are and he collects a set for each of you, as well as a tall glass of water for you. 

“Sit up.” Loki coaxes you, pulling you upright with a gentle hand. 

You let yourself be pulled and start loading various dishes onto your plate. 

“Which ones are for me?” Loki asks with his fork poised and ready.

“All of ‘em. We’re sharing. I don’t have germs, I swear.” you giggle lightly before rambling on, “You have to get close enough to someone to get germs and no one’s been close to me in yeeeeears.” 

Loki almost growls at the idea of another man touching you. He wants to be the one who gets close to you and in his mead-fueled mind, he can’t think of a better way to spend his last night than between your legs. But he needs to focus because he has all night and right now he is going to eat his first proper meal in centuries. “Which one should I start with?” he asks you.

Your eyes widen and you consider his question with utmost seriousness. He’s grinning as you assess the containers before you, enjoying your drunken antics. After much deliberation, you spear a gyoza on your fork and hold it up to his mouth, your other hand cupped below to catch the small drips of sauce. He leans forward, his lips parting to accept your offering, and you are completely spellbound by his beauty. Your breath catches when his eyes close and his impossibly long lashes brush his sharp cheekbones. He hums in appreciation. When his eyes open he notices the drips of sauce on your hand. Loki captures your wrist and tugs your hand to his mouth where his soft pink tongue darts out to clean your palm. The air is sucked from your lungs as you watch him and feel the delicate lick of his tongue against your skin. You want to say the hell with dinner and drag him back to your room right then and there.

“What’s next?” he asks, his voice low.

You remember what you’re supposed to be doing and shake yourself out of the lust filled haze you had been wrapped up in. You spear a piece of honey walnut shrimp and hold it up to him just like the gyoza. He accepts it carefully and his eyes light up, this one will likely be his favorite. You work through each carton, giving him one bite of each thing you ordered. When you finish Loki reminds you of your own plate and fills one for himself with his favorites. Before tucking into his plate he retreats to the kitchen to collect the bottle of mead and your glasses. Taking a few more long swallows of the spirit, he starts in on his dinner. You put on an old episode of Parks and Recreation to watch, eating in comfortable silence. Trying to sneak, you steal a sip of the mead while Loki is focused on a particularly unruly forkful of lo mein but he catches you as soon as it’s in your mouth. 

“Don’t you have to be up early tomorrow?” he teases.

“My ‘larm ‘s set for five. ‘S okay.” you say through your mouthful of gyoza.

“We’re tucking you in after this.” 

“Loki!” you yelp in excitement after noticing his almost empty plate, “You ate food! Real food! Good food that tastes good! ‘M so proud of you!” 

Loki rolls his eyes but wraps an arm around you as he munches on the last egg roll. He hasn’t had this much food since he was young and it’s odd feeling full and completely sated. It’s like he’s rooted to the sofa, his mind slowing from the mead. The overall experience is quite pleasant and he understands Thor’s inclination to indulge so often. “Yes, little one.” he says, his lips close to your ear, “I finally enjoyed myself. The mead, the food, this god awful wonderful hilarious show, and you.” 

Your mind is fuzzy but you swear you heard him correctly. “Me?”

Loki shifts a little so his face is right next to yours; you can feel his hot breath on your neck and his aquiline nose brushes against your cheek. “Yes, sweetheart. You.” a shudder goes through your body as he continues, made braver by the mead and close proximity to you, “You foolish, lovely, little Midgardian who took me in without a second thought. Who fought on my behalf long before you ever met me. Who looked like she was ready to brawl in a clothing store because of one nasty woman.” Loki chuckles, for a moment there you really had looked ready to fight the woman who’d called him a murderer. “How could I not enjoy every moment with you?” Loki knows he’ll hate himself for this raw honesty tomorrow but it won’t be for long and it just seems so inconsequential right now. 

You study the seafoam green of his pale eyes and gulp as your heart feels like it’s fluttering in your throat. “You’re so beautiful.” you murmur and tuck a stray strand of hair back behind his ear, caressing his cheek lightly afterwards. 

“To Hel with it.” he says suddenly and then his cool, soft lips are on yours. You squeak inelegantly at the contact and then your mead addled brain catches up and you’re moving your mouth in tandem with his, deepening the kiss. It’s better than you ever could have dreamed up, his mouth like a cool breeze on a hot summer day against yours. You run your fingers through his silken hair and let him pull you closer so the soft curves of your body fit against the hard lines of his. A strangled noise escapes Loki’s throat as he pulls away, his voice hoarse when he speaks, “We need to clean up this mess.” You begin to complain but then he growls low in your ear, “And then I can take you to bed, princess.” 

You bolt off the sofa, wobbling a little but hurrying to collect the take out containers. Loki helps, moving slowly and steadily, as he feels the full effects of the mead. It takes two trips and then the living room is tidied up, the dishes left in the sink for tomorrow. Loki swallows the rest of his glass of mead in a quick gulp and then, using his seidr, tucks the bottle back into his cache. You pout for a moment, having wanted just one last sip, and Loki acknowledges your displeasure by pulling you close and kissing you again with the heady taste of mead still on his tongue. “Let’s get you to bed.” he whispers against your mouth. Taking your hand in his, Loki leads you down the hall to your bedroom.

All hesitation is lost as your door latches behind you with a loud click. Loki pulls your soft tee shirt off, exposing all of your lovely curves to him. “Oh, darling one.” he gasps and runs his hands reverently down your sides. Your blush extends down your chest under his gaze and you lean up to pull him into a kiss while his hands roam your supple skin. Unwilling to be the only topless one, you unbutton his shirt as quickly as you can with stuttering fingers. You push it from his shoulders, off and onto the floor in a careless heap next to yours. His chest is broad but painfully thin, pale and cool to the touch. You shiver slightly as you pull him against you to run your hands across his torso and around to explore the lean muscles of his shoulders and back. His body is a series of contractions and you are lost in them. So large and powerful yet frail and delicate. Pale white skin and dark raven hair. Hard edges and sharp lines but soft honeyed words falling from his lips as he pulls you down onto your bed. Loki scoots close to the wall, making room for you to lie next to him on the small double bed. You lay down on your side, watching Loki as he watches you with dizzying intensity. You roll towards him so your lips and hands can continue their explorations. 

Loki is lost in the taste, feel, and smell of your skin. “You are Freyja incarnate.” he whispers between kisses, “So lovely. So perfect.” 

Your mind swims with his compliments and you’re breathing heavily as his hands tug on the back of your bra. You nod once and Loki flicks the clasp open, pulling the bra free and throwing it carelessly. His breath is a sharp hiss and his eyes darken until the pale irises are all but overtaken by pupils blown wide with lust. “I am so unworthy.” he laments as he cups your breasts in his palms.

You arch your back, pushing yourself even more into his cool touch. He kneads your satiny skin, loving the feel of you in his palms. Slowly he trails a hand down to the button of jeans and you tilt your hips up giving him a silent assent. Words fail you. Your body is on fire, desperate for him to cool you off. Your jeans and underwear follow the way of your bra and you’re tugging at his slacks until he’s bare against you as well. You both giggle like teenagers when you get a first look at each other’s bodies. “Please” he begs as he moves his hand lower and lower. 

You nod furiously, “Yes, please, yes.” 

Loki takes his time moving down your belly to the nest of short curls between your legs. His wide palm moves gently to cup your sex in his hand and he rests it there, taking a moment to compose himself. You rock against his palm, spurring him on, and Loki groans, “Please, let me do this one good thing before my time is up. Please, darling.” 

You’re too lost in lust and buzzing with mead to fully process the fatality of his words but you get what he’s asking and you press yourself harder against him, “I want you. God, I want you so bad.” you gasp against the curve of his neck. 

Loki slips a long, cool finger between your lips, diving into the heat of your core. Your body is shaking against him and he’s pressing cool, damp kisses against your chest as he adds a second finger to your slick heat. His fingers curl inside you making you writhe against him. The heel of his palm rubs quick circles against your sensitized clit and you are beyond coherent thought as you come hard and fast on his hand. You gasp his name as you peak and it earns a throaty moan from Loki who’s primal instincts have taken over in full. He helps you ride out the aftershocks, gently bringing you back down from the high of your orgasm. After a few panting breaths to get your bearings, you fumble down to grasp the hard length that’s pressed up against your thigh. Loki’s cock is heavy and velvet soft in your hand, and you are consumed with the desire to drive him over the edge of his own release. “This okay?” you clarify before you start moving, worried by his rigid silence. 

Loki nods, his hair bouncing with the force. “Yes, I… I can’t believe you…” he’s not making any sense and he can’t focus his thoughts enough to get a sentence out. He wants you so intensely, he fears he won’t last long in your hand.

You begin stroking his rigid length, twisting your wrist at the head until he shudders with each stroke. You feel like you’re flying, the heady aftermath of your own orgasm and the knowledge that you’ve reduced a literal god to a writhing, speechless mess with just your hand. 

“I won’t… I can’t…” he whines. Every muscle in his body is pulled tight as a bowstring. 

“It’s okay, baby. Go ahead.” you encourage him quietly, quickening your pace. 

Loki comes with a sob, clinging to your shoulders and his face buried in your neck. Your name is prayer on his lips as the tidal wave of his pleasure recedes. He means to pull away but he is too blissed out. He can’t believe he was lucky enough to feel something so wondrous again in his short second life; he’s overcome by emotion. You hear a sniffle and then sobs, and wet tears on your shoulder. “Heyyy,” you croon, running a soothing hand up and down his back as it shudders harshly, “It’s okay. Just let it out. I’m here, baby.” you press gentle kisses along the tops of his shoulders while he takes the time to slowly pull himself back together. 

After a harsh sniff he looks up, meeting your eyes. The tears have stopped but his cheeks are flushed and his eyes glossy and red rimmed.

“Hey there.” you give him a tender smile.

“I apologize for…” Loki trails off.

“It’s okay. Nothin’ to apologize for. It was perfect, baby.” 

“I love the sound of that.” he sheepishly admits. 

“Of what?”

“You calling me... That.”

“Oh! Baby?” Loki nods and you grin like a fool, “I like calling you that too.” 

Loki shifts and realizes there is a cooling, sticky situation that needs tending to. He waves his hand over his stomach, magicking away the stickiness of his orgasm. He muses this is one use of seidr that is well worth it. “Can I stay here tonight? If I wake you I’ll go back to the other room.”

Your eyes widen in awe of his powers. “Of course. You can be the little spoon.” you try to roll him over, still a little drunk and giddy at the prospect of him sharing your bed. 

Loki gives in and lets you roll him so he’s pressed up against your chest and your arms are surrounding him in warmth. It feels divine and Loki thinks that this was the most perfect way he could have spent his last night alive. He drifts off to sleep thinking of what could have been had he met you sooner, before everything in his life went wrong and his fate was sealed in darkness. His dreams are muddled that night, too gauzy to wake him, and for the first time since his resurrection he sleeps peacefully.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki puts his plan into action only for it to have unintended consequences. In the wake of Loki’s suicide attempt, you try to help him find ways to move forward.
> 
> Content Warning: Loki attempts to commit suicide in this chapter. Obviously he isn’t successful. There is discussion of his motivations and such afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies. Our boy has finally hit rock bottom in this chapter. Which means we can finally start the healing process after this but it’s gonna be a ride. A quick disclaimer - as some one who has dealt with mental health issues from a young age, I am painfully aware that no one goes from actively wanting to die to immediately trying to get better. This is not real life, this a fanfic. Keep this in mind please. And if the topic of suicide is one you are not comfortable with, skip this chapter, okay? Take care of yourselves, lovelies. XOXO - Ash

You’re out the door the next morning by a quarter to six and Loki wishes you could have stayed for just a little while longer. He captures your jaw in his hand, getting one good final look at you before stealing a last kiss from your soft lips. You giggle as you pull away, “I’ll be home around two, you can always come visit if you get bored.” 

“Thank you, Y/N.” he says with entirely too much seriousness for the early hour. 

“Always.” you tell him with a warm smile before shutting the door behind you. 

Loki stares at the door a moment, trying to ignore the ache in chest knowing this will be the last time he sees you. He drags himself back to your bed, burrowing under your blankets so he can pretend you’re still curled up with him. Loki allows himself a brief time to wallow and mourn what could have been with you. He had never reacted so strongly to someone in all his years and it’s painful to think now that he has, he’s out of time. 

Begrudgingly, Loki pulls himself from the bed and begins setting into motion everything that needs done. He gathers everything of value from his cache and organizes it in your room, setting the business card of the auction house on top of a stack of crates. He hopes you’ll see reason and profit from his collection of relics. Changing into a set of comfortable clothes he bought the previous day, he stashes the rest of his belongings in the void that had previously housed his cache. He needs it to look like he’s moved out, not disappeared. Loki saves the hardest part for last, your note. He sets himself down at your desk, pulling a sheet of paper from your notebook and selecting a dark blue pen from your cup. 

_Dearest Y/N,_

_I am sorry to leave with such short notice but I reconnected with an old friend who has agreed to take me in. He lives quite far from here and I need to leave immediately. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and for reminding me that the world still has good people in it. I’m leaving you a portion of my collection to sell for your own profit. I want you to be taken care of for years to come, even without me here. Please take care of yourself. It will bring me great comfort to think that you’re living your dreams out there somewhere. You have given me the most precious gift in the time we’ve had and I will cherish it for the rest of my life._

_Be well darling girl._

_Yours,  
Loki_

Loki folds up the paper and shuts his phone off, setting the device on your desk with the note. He realizes his window of opportunity is coming to a close and decides he wants to enjoy his last few minutes of existence instead of chugging down the bitter poison by itself. Loki locates the French press in the kitchen and sets about making coffee the way you had yesterday. When the timer goes off he pours himself a mug of the dark brew and swirls in some of your creamer. It’s sweet, cinnamony, and it reminds him of you. He needs to be gone before Sunny wakes and he has precious little time to waste. Loki collects a vial of poison from your room, settling on the quickest of his options, and splashes several drops in his coffee. He’ll have just enough time to wash your mug and get himself into his void once he drinks it. Remembering he has the other vials in your room he scrambles back to collect them, not willing to leave you anything potentially dangerous. 

The sight Loki comes back out to almost stops his heart. Sunny is standing barefoot in the kitchen, otherwise ready for work, and holding his poisoned cup in her hands. 

“ **NO!** ” Loki yells flying towards her. He knocks the cup out of her hands, the coffee going everywhere. “Don’t touch it! Get back!” He’s frantic, terrified he will cause the death of your closest friend. 

“Loki, what the hell?” Sunny screeches as he carries her forcibly from the kitchen. He is fairly certain any contact with the poison would be fatal to a human and he’s not allowing Sunny to get anywhere near the stuff. She’s not going easily however, “Just let me help you clean it up.” she barks at him as she struggles in his grasp.

“It’s poisoned you fool! Get back!” Loki snaps and dumps her ungracefully on the sofa, planting himself between her and the kitchen.

“Seriously! What the hell?” she asks him again.

Various lies flit through his mind, none of them will do and Loki is rattled. 

Sunny doesn’t give him a chance to answer, her mind finally catching up to the fact that there was a cup of poison in her kitchen. “Loki,” she begins slowly, as if speaking to a cornered animal, “Why was there poisoned coffee in our kitchen?” 

“It wasn’t meant for you. I mean you no harm.” Loki sticks with the truth while he desperately tries to think up a plausible lie.

“So… what then? You just thought you’d add some poison to your own coffee? How is it poisonous to me but not to you?” 

“I’m a god, of course it doesn’t affect me.” he latches on to the suggestion easily.

“Ok, great. Then go get your cup, we’ll watch a show while you drink it.” there is a hint of a challenge in her tone and her smile is just a tad malicious. 

“I’ll just make a new cup. Would you like one as well?”

“No, there’s still some left in that cup. If it’s really not harmful to you, I want to watch you drink it. And then we can sit here a bit and hang out. If you’re telling the truth then there should be no issue, right?” Sunny might look the part of a dumb blonde, but she’s a psychology major for a reason. 

“Ridiculous girl. I don’t have time for these games. I’m heading out as soon as this mess is cleaned up.” 

Sunny shakes her head, her original assumption solidifying in her mind. She pulls her cell phone from her back pocket and dials your number, eyes never leaving Loki as he carefully begins cleaning up the kitchen, stacking paper towels meticulously so as not to touch the liquid. Sunny is blunt and to the point when you pick up, “Hey you. I need you to come home. Right now. Tell Jordan you’re sorry and I’ll head in as soon as you’re home.” 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” you ask, confused by her abruptness. 

“I’m fine but Loki tried poisoning himself this morning and I accidentally stopped him.” Loki spins hearing this and he stalks out of the kitchen towards Sunny angrily.

Your mind reels. “Loki what? Why?”

“Gotta go, get home quick, bye.” Sunny ends the call and hides her phone underneath her body as Loki towers over her glaring.

“You should not have done that.” he hisses at her.

Sunny shakes her head, “Too late. She’ll be here in ten minutes tops. You might want to finish with the kitchen unless you want to risk poisoning her too.” 

Loki lets out a strangled, frustrated sound and heads back to the kitchen without another word. He hurries through the rest of the cleaning so that when you arrive home the kitchen is safe, even the offending cup poured down the drain and washed. 

You make it back to the apartment in record time, practically running the whole way. Everything had been so perfect the night before. He seemed like he was going to try to let himself be happy. Something had happened and you were reeling as to what it could have been. “Loki!” you shout as soon as the door is open to your apartment. He’s standing in the kitchen, glaring daggers at Sunny who is sending him a death glare of her own. 

“I’ll go cover for you at the cafe.” she says to you, pulling you in for a quick hug. She’s almost to the door when she spins around, a finger pointed at Loki, “I’m still mad at you.” she spits out but there’s tears prickling at her eyes, “You stupid, selfish man. Do NOT do this to us. Listen to Y/N and get your head on straight.” And with that Sunny grabs her keys and storms out. Loki is left standing in the kitchen looking lost and smaller than you’ve ever seen him.

“Did you really try to kill yourself?” you ask hesitantly, too afraid to move from your spot. 

Loki wants to lie, to conjure up a story that won’t cause you pain. He can’t find the words and you take his silence for an assent. Your fight for composure fails and a sob breaks free from your throat, your body trembling uncontrollably and tears flooding out. Loki rushes over and pulls you into his arms. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you this pain.” he murmurs into your hair. 

“What did you think would happen? Did you really think I wouldn’t mourn you?” you demand harshly.

“You weren’t supposed to know. It was supposed to just look like I went to stay with a friend.” 

“Mmm. Lies. I probably shouldn’t be surprised, and yet I am.” tears start anew and you can’t help yourself as you break down in his arms. 

Loki rubs your back and holds you close, letting you ride the waves of emotion that you need to get out. “I’m so sorry, darling. I am. What can I do to make this better, hm? Whatever you want, it’s yours.”

You let out a bitter laugh, “You tried to kill yourself less than an hour ago and you’re worried about how I am. I don’t matter right now. You almost died, Loki. You want to give me what I want? I want YOU. Just you.” Your emotions are raw nerves and you’re shaking in his arms.

“I’m fine.” he stops at the look you give him, “I’ll be fine, eventually.” 

“Tell me what you need then. What can I do to help you? I don’t care that it’s only been a few days, I can’t lose you.” 

“I don’t know.” he answers honestly. “I just don’t think I can do this anymore. I’ve lived so many centuries and all I’ve done is cause pain and destruction. You are… the best that humanity has to offer. I can’t let myself destroy you too.” 

“Then don’t.” you grip his hands tightly, looking into his sea green eyes, “Stay with me. Stay here and don’t take the cowards way out. Work at the cafe, come to class with me and learn something new, stay here and let people look after you and be your friends. You can have an amazing life, you just need to give yourself a break for once.” 

“I’m so tired, Y/N. And I… I don’t know how.” the tears that have been prickling at his eyes finally fall and he’s too worn out to stop them. Centuries of sorrow and weariness coming to a head. 

“Then I’ll teach you. I know what it’s like to think you can’t keep going but that feeling doesn’t last forever. I promise.” 

“Have you…?” he asks, alarmed at the idea that you had tried to harm yourself at some point. 

You nod, “After my parents died I had a lot of guilt. Survivors guilt, they call it. It almost ate me alive. Sunny’s parents got me help when they realized how low I was and it took time but I got myself back together eventually. I know what it’s like to drag yourself out of this pit and I promise you, you’ll get there.”

“You might be the only person in the universe who makes me want to try.” his voice is barely above a whisper but you hear him and sigh at his words.

“Lesson number one, it’s okay to crawl back into bed on a shit day.” you tug on Loki’s hand and lead him down the hall to your room. The artifacts scattered around have you pausing at the door. “What’s all this?” 

Loki has the decency to look chagrined, “I wanted to make sure you would be taken care of after I… left.” 

You stifle your outrage but your voice is still tight, “Can you put it back where it came from please?”

“Yes, of course.” Loki slides past you and quickly re-stashes his collection into his void. 

You only walk in after he’s finished and you peel off your shirt, waiting for him to follow suit. He does and you strip down to your underwear, leading him to the bed once you’re both bare. There’s no need for words for a long while. You lay facing each other, limbs tangled to get yourselves as close as possible. The warmth of your blankets calming you both. You’re quiet for a long time, finding solace in your closeness.

“So what was it?” you ask finally. You still can’t piece together what went so wrong.

“What was what?” he replies, his face still buried in the crook of your neck.

“I know it’s never simple, but what made you think suicide was your only option when you woke up this morning?” 

“It wasn’t anything today. I’ve been wandering around wondering how long I’ll last since the Eluskians brought me back.”

“You didn’t want to come back, did you?”

“No,” he says simply. Hidden away in your bed he feels so raw, his defenses down. He can’t bring himself to be deceitful with you now. 

“Why?” you push gently. 

“I was in Valhalla.” he admits, surprising even himself with the admission. 

“Oh.” you’re stunned, “Like heaven? What was it like?”

“Peaceful. Beautiful. My mother was there, and my father. It was everything the legends make it out to be and I was there. Even a monster like me can be worthy somehow.” 

“You’re not a monster. And I’m sorry you got there only to be ripped away. That had to be really painful.” 

“It’s been Hel. I can’t sleep for seeing my mother’s face as I was fading out. I miss the peace I had there. Everything here is so difficult. I know my past will not be forgiven in this world and I just don’t see the need to keep fighting when I know what awaits on the other side.” 

You consider his words for a moment, you can see where his desperation comes from. He’s had a rough time but you know he’s better than he gives himself credit for. “I’m sorry. No one deserves what you’ve been through.” you litter soft kisses along his shoulder and rub a hand soothingly along his back. “What if you could change your path though?” 

“I don’t know how. Old habits die hard and I’ve had fifteen hundred years of bad ones.”

“So what? You’re made of tougher stuff than this. Besides, I think after fifteen hundred tough years you deserve a few happy ones.”

“You make it seem so simple.”

“Because it can be. Just try. For me, if not for yourself just yet. I know we haven’t known each other very long but I’m pretty attached to you, if you haven’t noticed.” your tone is joking but there’s a deeper truth to it.

Loki pulls back and you see his bittersweet smile, “I’ve become attached to you as well. It’s most likely my fault though. I should warn you, Jotuns mate for life when they find their _sjelevenn_. Bonds can form immediately and they’re unbreakable. I’ve only ever heard the stories but on the off chance there’s truth to them, we need to be careful.” 

“You.. you think that… but I’m only human.” you stutter, your mind spinning, “What even is a _sjelevenn_?”

“It’s something akin to a soulmate to the Jotun. We’re all just animals really, and some species mate for life. Irrevocably. The Jotun are said to be this way.” 

“It sounds like the plot of a poorly written teen romance.” you say before your brain can filter your words.

Loki laughs, “We still need to be careful. I’ve felt more for you in three days than I have for anyone in a millennia. I do not wish to risk burdening you with this.” 

“Then we take things slow. We’re both adults, we can control ourselves. I will admit, I like you in my bed though.” 

“Yes, I enjoy this quite a bit too.” Loki snuggles back against you, burying his head in your hair and letting himself get lost in the soothing cinnamony scent of you hair. “You know, I did stay true to my word.”

“Hmm?” you’re confused by the shift in topics.

“This morning, I put creamer in my coffee.”

“You also added poison so I don’t think that counts.” you try to laugh but it comes out a sob. You were so close to losing him after just finding him. 

“Shh. I’m still here, princess. I’m not going anywhere.” 

You nod against his chest, glad that the immediate need for concern is gone. Though it will be a long time before you trust him out of your sight.

“So, what’s next then?” 

You’ve been curled up in your bed for over an hour but you’re still emotionally exhausted. Sunny took your shift so the day is yours and you want to spend it showing Loki reasons why this world isn’t as bad as he thinks. “We’re going to get into our comfiest pajamas and make some coffee. You’re going to put creamer in yours and let yourself enjoy it. Then we’re going to watch some crap TV and eat pancakes. Providing you’re up to it we can walk around the park for a bit afterwards. Sunlight will do you some good.” 

“You know we can’t just fix everything with sugar and sunshine, right?” Loki frowns a little, he has no intention of trying to end his life again but he’s not suddenly going to get over all the darkness of his past because he decides he wants to.

You push back a stray hair, tucking it behind his ear, and rub your thumb along the sharp line of his cheekbone. “I know, but it’s a start. And I’m going to spend every day helping you find new reasons to keep moving forward. I don’t think you’ve had enough people in your life that would fight for you, but I will.” 

“My own little Valkyrie. You are a warrior goddess. I want to try, for you.”

“That’s a start. Now, ready to get up and make coffee?” 

“After you.” Loki releases you from his arms and you hop out of bed, throwing on your softest pajamas. 

“Get comfy, I’ll start on the coffee.” you tell him before heading down the hall. 

Loki tries to pull his clothes from his void but finds his seidr sputtering uselessly. It’s frustrating and he curses as he walks to the spare room to get the secondhand clothes you’d given him. He makes do with the sweatpants and t-shirt from his first night staying with you and pads quietly down the hall to find you talking with a dark haired girl in the kitchen. She’s tall, sharp featured, with a delicate silver hoop in her nose. 

You turn upon noticing him, “Loki, this is Chelsi.” 

Chelsi gives him a small wave, “Hey.” she says with a quick smile.

“Hello.” he’s unsure what to say, worried what you’ve told her so far.

“Are those Elliot’s clothes?” she asks you.

“Yeah, sorry Chels.” you say, “He had nothing and I knew you hadn’t taken the Elliot box to the donation center yet. I hope that’s okay.” 

“Doesn’t matter to me. Dirtbag was never getting his shit back anyway. I’m gonna clear out, you guys have fun.”

You hug Chelsi, thanking her again for her understanding, and she gives Loki a polite nod before heading out. 

“She’s very different than I expected.” Loki tells you, taking a seat on the counter top while you pour him a cup of coffee.

“What did you expect?” you ask, curious.

“Someone more like you and Sunny.”

“She takes a little longer to warm up to people but she’ll come around. Here.” you hand him his cup and he smiles after taking a long whiff of the drink. It smells delicious but he finds himself just staring at it. He wants to drink it. He wants to refuse it. He wants his brain to shut up long enough so he can enjoy something without guilt. 

You look up from your mug to realize he’s waging a war internally. “Hey, hey.” you set your cup down and walk over to him so you’re standing between his dangling legs. You take the cup from his hand and set it next to him, holding his hands in yours. “Take a minute. It’s just coffee, it’ll keep ‘til you’re ready to drink it.” 

Loki struggles for words, “I don’t” he starts and stops to regulate his breathing. “I don’t want to lose control.” 

“Oh, baby, no. I know it’s hard, but where has all this control gotten you so far?” 

“What if I’m just like the rest of them?”

“What do you mean? Like your family?”

“Like Thor and his friends. Or worse, like the Jotun. What if I’m no better, if I let my guard down and I’m just another beast who loses himself chasing one pleasure or another?” 

“But you’re already chasing it.” Loki gives you a look but you keep going, “You keep yourself under lock and key. Basking in your smug superiority and the pleasure that feeling gives you. You’ve traded one pleasure for another, not abstained from it. Only the one you’ve been seeking has been slowly eating away at you. I would bet if you let go of your old habits and try to find other things in life that make you happy, you might actually enjoy living.” 

Loki thinks quietly, trying to let himself accept what you’re saying. Part of him, a baser part, wants to take what you’re saying and run with it. It’s the part that would throw himself in oncoming traffic for you. The part that screams _mate_ every time he catches your scent. 

You watch him, giving him a chance to process. But you never were the patient type. You take a sip from your mug, swishing the coffee around in your mouth before swallowing it. Tilting yourself up on your tiptoes, you lean in to capture his lips with yours. You wait until he reciprocates before gently tracing the seam of his lips with your tongue. He lets out a small moan and you part your lips, letting him explore your mouth. A shiver runs through him and his hands tighten on your waist. 

He’s breathing hard when you part and he can still taste the sweet coffee on his lips. Pleasure, he thinks to himself, shaking his head lightly. It’s either going to be his salvation or his downfall but he thinks that at this point he’s too far gone to care.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki spends a day with you learning what it’s like to relax and do things simply for the sake of having fun.
> 
> Content Warning: Sweet fluff and lots of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! This chapter is much happier than the last, I promise. Straight up fluff and Loki being adorable. Which is one of my fave head cannons. I love thinking that if Loki just let his guard down and relaxed he would be so easily amused and delighted by the little things he’s missed out on for most of his life. So please enjoy this self indulgent bit of fluff! XOXO - Ash

Loki watches you move around the kitchen while you whip up a batch of pancakes. He sips slowly at his coffee which is half gone much to his surprise. It’s sweet and delicious, he can feel a buzzing in his nerves at each sip but he keeps from gulping it down. Your movements are all effortless grace and you’ve thrown on some type of upbeat music that you sway your hips to the rhythm of when you lose yourself in what you’re doing. Loki thinks he could spend the rest of his life watching you do this every morning. 

You flip the last pancake down onto the stack and carry the plate out to the living room. Loki grabs the set of plates and silverware you set out and carries them for you. Once you collect your coffee and the syrup, you settle in next to him on the sofa.

“Have you had pancakes before?” you ask, spearing one onto your plate and covering it in syrup.

“No, but they smell delicious.” he tells you and takes one for his plate. He follows your example and pours syrup on it and then cuts a square to try. After a lifetime of avoiding his sweet tooth Loki is in heaven. “This is a breakfast food?” he asks in amazement. 

You nod and chew quickly so you can reply, “Yep. Breakfast is the one meal that can be either sweet or savory. Sometimes both. Next time I’ll get bacon and we’ll have that with our pancakes. You’re in for a real treat, trust me.” 

“I do. Trust you, I mean.” 

“Good, you should.” 

You throw on an episode of The Good Place, hoping it doesn’t hit too close to home for Loki. He does feel a little uneasy at first, the premise a little too familiar to how he felt when he woke up in Valhalla, but the outlandishness soon has him laughing along. Before he realizes it, the episode is over and he’s eaten an entire pancake as well as finishing his coffee. 

“How do you feel?” you ask him as you turn off the TV.

“Full. It’s oddly pleasant.” 

You laugh lightly, “That’s kinda the point. Let’s get dressed and go walk around Central Park. We can do a bunch of touristy stuff and feed the ducks.” 

Loki follows your lead without question and you get ready together in your room where your clothes still lay in heaps on the floor. You haven’t had this quiet companionship with a man in years and you find yourself cherishing it. A small piece of you wonders if Loki was right about the whole “mate” thing but you can’t seem to care if your feelings are genuine or magickally enhanced. 

Loki enjoys walking around the gardens in Central Park. The heatwave broke overnight and you’re able to enjoy the summer warmth without sweating to death. You lead him around all your favorite spots, ending at the pond where you can feed the ducks. The flock is gathered by the water but you know they’ll come quickly once you pull out the bread you packed in your purse. 

“Here,” you hand Loki a piece of bread and take one out for yourself. 

“What do we do?” he asks, staring at the ducks. They’re strange little creatures and he’s watching them intently.

“Break it up into tiny pieces and toss.” you instruct, showing him what you mean.

The first bread chunk hits the ground and a swarm of tiny waddling ducks descends upon it. 

Loki lets out a loud bark of a laugh, startling them and you. He laughs until he bends at the waist, unable to compose himself.

“What is it?” you ask incredulously. 

“They’re just so stupid looking. And that noise they make!” he wheezes between laughs. 

You can’t help but join his laughter. Certainly ducks are amusing but his enjoyment of them is unexpected. “No ducks on Asgard, I take it?”

“No, those are definitely unique to Midgard. They just… their stupid little legs.” 

“Throw some bread closer, we can probably get them right up at our feet.” 

Loki finally starts tossing pieces from his slice of bread and sure enough, they surround you both quickly. He’s practically beaming when you hand him a second slice of bread. Carefully you bend down to hand feed a few and give them gentle pets on their heads. The ducks in the park are overly friendly and, as long as you steer clear of their beaks, they’re harmless. Loki follows suit, crouching down to make friends with a male mallard with bright green feathers atop his head. The pair of you run through all eight slices and then have to apologize to the ducks as you carefully make your way out of their crowd. 

“I can’t wait to show you dumb animal videos online.” you tell him while you walk down a shady path. “For now though, want to go to the zoo? They have a few animals I think you’ll enjoy as much as the ducks.” 

“Why not?” Loki feels like he could do anything with you right now and enjoy it. There’s a lightness in his chest he’s unaccustomed to and he doesn’t think too hard on it for fear of it disappearing. 

“That’s the spirit!” you loop your arm in his and turn to head to the zoo entrance. 

Loki enjoyed the penguins just as much as you had hoped he would. You must have spent half an hour just watching them hop around. He was delighted by the various snakes and agreed that the red pandas did look quite soft. They’re your favorite and Loki waited patiently while you fawned over the tiny red mammals. You enjoyed ice cream for lunch while walking around and by the time the zoo closes at five you’re both slightly sunburnt and tired from walking around all afternoon. “Ready to head home?” you ask him as you exit the zoo gates. 

“If you want to.” Loki’s enjoying himself and isn’t quite ready for the day to be over yet. 

“I don’t, really. But we need to talk to Sunny and Chelsi about you staying longer. It’s only fair.” 

Loki hums a sound of agreement and you wander through the busy streets back to your apartment. 

Sunny is home when you get back, hovering over the stove where a large skillet is sizzling. “Hey guys.” she calls when you walk in. 

“Hey sun-bun.” you greet her, using the nickname you had given her when you were young. You need the comfortable familiarity of your best friend after such an eventful day. 

Sunny picks up on your need for support and brings you into a long hug. “How was your day?” she asks when she finally pulls back and turns to stir the meat in the skillet. 

“It was… a long day. Mostly good though. We did Central Park and the zoo.”

“Did you talk?” Sunny turns to point at Loki with the spatula she’s holding, “No more of that shit, right?” 

Loki blushes, a light pink dusting his cheekbones. “No more.” he concedes. 

“We talked. A lot.” you assure her.

“Good.” Sunny seems appeased and moves on, “So what was your favorite animal at the zoo, Loki?”

He thinks for a moment, “The penguins were delightful.” 

“Aww, nice. Am I to assume you’re staying here now?” Sunny topic hops without missing a beat.

Loki looks at you and you jump in to answer, “We wanted to talk to you and Chelsi about that tonight. It’s only right that we talk about it as a group.” 

Sunny nods and then pops her head out into the hallway, “CHELSI!!” she bellows, louder than necessary.

Chelsi opens her door on cue, “SUNNY!!” she yells back good naturedly.

The three of you chuckle at the long running joke and Loki cracks a small smile, amused by your antics. He moves behind you to wrap his arms around your waist and rest his chin on the top of your head. Loki can’t help but feel a little nervous. He doesn’t know your friends well enough to know if they’ll accept him moving in semi-permanently. Money isn’t an issue, he could find his own place if need be, but he wants to stay with you. 

“So…” you start, holding his arms tightly against you, “We were hoping that Loki could move in.”

“In to the extra room, or yours?” Chelsi asks bluntly but not unkindly.

“A little of both most likely.”

“He’ll have to pay rent and chip in for food and stuff.”

“I will happily contribute.” Loki assures her. “How much is it?” 

“Rent is $3,800 a month plus electric which is about $120, so $980 a piece. We take turns cooking dinner most of the time and buying groceries. Everyone pays for one streaming service, we have Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime right now but if you could sign up for Disney+ that would be nice.” 

Loki nods agreeably, “No problem. I can get you my share now if you’d like.” 

“It’s not due ‘til next week. Just get it to me on Wednesday.” 

You grin, glad it was all worked out so easily. “Thanks guys, really.” you tell your friends.

Chelsi shrugs and Sunny smiles broadly, “I’m so glad the rent’s going back down. Just the three of us was killing me.” 

“Ughhh, me too.” Chelsi agrees. 

“Who’s ready for dinner?” Sunny waves a bag of taco shells prompting you all to bustle around setting up the table for your meal. 

And just like that, Loki was officially part of your household.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes an unexpected contribution to the household, surprising all three of you. A quick time jump forward, and Loki finally gets to take you out on a nice date.
> 
> Content Warning: Ohhh the smut. It gets pretty steamy ya’ll :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Please forgive the time jump in this chapter. I know it irks some people but it was necessary to keep the plot moving the direction I want it to go in. Overall though, it’s sweet domestic fluff and Loki starting to heal. And some truly delightful smut. Enjoy! XOXO - Ash

Your classes start up the following Monday and Loki tags along, having nothing else to do. You’re working on your masters degree in journalism and still taking a few psychology classes which you minored in when you were going for your bachelors degree. Your goal is to be an investigative journalist and your persistent, curious nature makes diving into stories and interviews easier. Loki sits through a day of your classes before he decides he wants to attend classes of his own. He can’t officially enroll now that the semester has started but he can audit a few classes if the professors allow him to. They do and Loki finds art and art history classes to keep him occupied while you attend yours. 

You still have to work at the cafe during the school year and you find yourself hesitant to leave Loki behind at the apartment. It’s his home now too, but you still worry a little after the last time. Loki follows you to work much to your surprise and delight. He camps out in his favorite velvet chair, working on homework or reading a book. You slip him cups of coffee when you can and the smile he gives you when you stop by his chair is enough to have you dragging him back into the stockroom to kiss him senseless. Which you do, but only once. 

Wednesday comes and Chelsi collects rent money from all of you as usual. You and Loki are in the kitchen sharing an omelette and making plans for the weekend. Handing over your share to Chelsi you look at Loki expectantly. He just smiles serenely and takes another bite of the omelette before handing Chelsi six twenty dollar bills from his pocket.

“You’re a bit short.” Chelsi says with a frown. She likes him and wants to give him a chance but everyone has to pull their weight.

“No, I’m not. The electric bill is a hundred and twenty, correct?” he asks smugly.

“Yes, and your portion is $30. Plus rent.” 

“There is no rent. And I’ll cover the electric.” 

Chelsi is growing frustrated but tries to bite her tongue, “What do you mean there’s no rent?”

“There is. No. Rent.” he explains slowly.

There’s a pit of unease growing in your stomach, “Loki, what have you done?” you ask him.

He turns to look at you, smug smile still in place. “I had a lovely chat with your landlord yesterday while you were busy working. The rent on this apartment has been paid in full until next August when your lease renews again. If you decide to continue living here I’ll pay another lump sum then to renew.” 

You and Chelsi give him twin looks of shock and disbelief. 

“Our lease just renewed this month. That’s a full year’s rent.” you babble.

“That’s over forty five thousand dollars.” Chelsi, the eternal math major, stammers.

“Yes, it was quite cheap. The man was generous enough to make it an even forty five since I was paying in advance. Nice fellow.” 

“You can’t just-” “How could you-” you and Chelsi talk over each other.

“Simple. The three of you were struggling and I can help. I have more than enough to cover the bills that you all barely scrape together each month. Why shouldn’t I bear that burden for you if I can? Now, you can save your money for things you enjoy. Maybe work a little less so you can focus more on school.” Loki resumes eating, acting as if the subject is closed, before remembering “Oh, and I purchased Disney+ like you asked.” 

Chelsi huffs but is grateful. “You ridiculous bastard. Thank you.” she hands your portion of the rent back to you and goes to give Sunny her share back as well.

You’re still staring at Loki who is quite pleased with himself but trying not be obnoxious about it. “Are you done with breakfast?” he asks innocently. 

“No, I just.. I… you didn’t have to do that.” you want to smack him and hug him all at once. 

“Let me take care of you, princess. Please?” the earnestness in his voice is your downfall.

“I don’t even know what I’m going to do now that I don’t have that bill looming over me.” 

“You can start paying off your student loans faster like you wanted to. Maybe give up a shift or two at the cafe so you don’t burn yourself out so quickly.”

“Yeah, maybe. I could try setting a little aside so we can go somewhere over winter break too. Somewhere cheap, but we could make it work.” 

“Like a vacation?”

You nod. “I haven’t been on a real vacation since I still lived at home with Sunny’s family. We’ve done girls trips to the beach for a weekend a few times but it’s not the same as really getting away.” 

“You let me worry about vacation and keep paying off your student loans.”

You shoot him a look but let the subject drop for the time being. He doesn’t need to worry about money, he assures you he could easily live off his cache for a few centuries. It doesn’t sit all that well with you but it’s hard to deny him when he so earnestly just wants to take care of you.

xxXxx

“Has it really been a month already?” you ask in disbelief. Loki is wrapped around you like a vine, curled up in your bed. You’re both hot and sweaty from sleep but unwilling to move apart. 

“Mm. Indeed it has.” he says into the curve of your neck. 

“It feels like a lifetime. I’m so happy you stayed.” 

“Me too. You changed my life. Thank you.” he kisses your skin lightly, nuzzling a little and basking in the scent of you. 

You moan quietly, “You changed mine too.” 

You want to tell him you love him. You’ve become increasingly unable to deny the burning ache in your chest, so full of love for him. It’s too soon though, regardless of how long it feels. You worry that it’s the Jotun bonding causing it but you’ve both been diligent not to let things go too far and seal the bond. Regardless of magick influence or not, you feel deeply for him and you know it’s only a matter of time before you confess your feelings. 

Loki is slowly figuring out his life and it’s beautiful to watch him flourish with a little self care. It’s still a day by day process but he’s making progress and his good days outweigh the bad ones. He’s able to admit to himself now that he’s proud of how far he’s come since he met you. Sleepless nights are less common since he’s been sharing your bed, to the point where the purple bruises have faded from beneath his eyes. He still dreams some nights but they don’t rattle him the way they used to. 

He’s trying new Midgardian foods all the time and finding things he doesn’t mind eating as well as a few favorites he genuinely enjoys. Hot cocoa has been a favorite; the two of you sneaking up to the roof of your apartment building on cool nights to share a thermos of cocoa and stargaze the best you can through the light pollution of the city. He still has days where letting himself enjoy food is difficult but he’s working through it. You’ve tried, delicately, to help remind him when he’s veering towards disordered habits and while he balks at your terminology, he acknowledges when he’s having “a moment” and needs to clear his head. With a little research Loki found himself an arsenal of things to help on his low days or when he just needs a minute to breathe and get himself together. His favorite has been an app with various geometric patterns and movements designed to help regulate your breathing and lessen anxiety. 

Loki’s first non-necessity purchase was a collection of sketch books, two for school and one just for him. That was followed by good pens then graphite pencils and colored pencils too. He bought a desk at the thrift shop for his bedroom where he keeps his now large collection of art supplies and can be found sketching every quiet moment he has. He’s a talented artist and you love when he shares his work with you. 

“Do people celebrate being together for a month?” Loki asks with a yawn, breaking you from your reverie. 

“In high school, I suppose. But adults typically stick to once a year anniversaries.” you inform him. 

“You make me feel young again. And we could use a reason to celebrate something. Let me take you to dinner.” 

“That’s what this is about. You just want an excuse to go out to a fancy dinner.” It had been an almost weekly topic that you bicker mildly over. Loki always wants to take you out somewhere extravagant only because he can and wants to spoil you rotten. His Jotun instincts have been on overdrive and the idea of lavishing you with his wealth is extremely appealing to him. You aren’t necessarily opposed to fancy dates but after all the things he’s done for you it just seems a bridge too far. 

“Darling, please? Just one night. I promise, wherever we go won’t even have a Michelin star.”

You regret explaining the Michelin rating system to him after trying to use it as an example of why some restaurants are just too fancy to grab a quick bite from. It seemed to only fuel his interest in haute cuisine. “Maybe” you relent.

Loki’s tone is wistful and he holds you just a little tighter in his arms.“We can get all dressed up, have a nice meal somewhere quiet where the lights are low, maybe I’ll take you dancing afterwards.” 

“Such a romantic.” you tease.

“For you, always.” 

Loki keeps his word, the restaurant he selects doesn’t have a Michelin star, but you suspect it’s only because they haven’t been rated yet. Coeur de la Mer has been open six months and is getting rave reviews in all the magazines so far. They focus on fresh, sustainably caught seafood and the dining room has stunning views of the Hudson River. It’s the best meal you’ve had in recent memory and Loki agrees. He even goes so far as to take notes on his phone of a few dishes you can try to recreate at home. 

That he found somewhere to take you ballroom dancing in Manhattan of all places is astounding. But he did and you spend hours swaying around the dance floor in his arms. He’s so graceful and confident in his movements, it’s impressive. A lifetime of forced royal events, he explains with a half smile. 

You tumble into your Uber a little after midnight, completely exhausted and still buzzed from the wine you’d had. Loki’s cologne is like a lure, pulling you in to snuggle against him in the backseat. You’re polite and stay buckled in but drift as close as humanly possible over the course of the fifteen minute drive. 

The apartment key is not cooperating in your hands and Loki takes it from you with an indulgent smile. He loved being out with you, watching you let loose a little and really enjoy yourself. You both do your best to be quiet as you creep through the dark apartment to your room. The door to your bedroom is barely shut when you’re pulling at the lapels of Loki’s jacket, drawing him close so you can get your mouth on his at last. The throaty noise he makes at the contact spurs you on, tugging at his jacket until he’s helping you slide it off his shoulders. You want to get him undressed as quickly as possible so you can feel his cool soft skin on your lips. The buttons on his dress shirt are a team effort and you reward his assistance with brutal kisses down the long column of his neck. His skin is so pale, he’ll have faint bruises come morning and the idea of marking him up stirs something primal in you. 

You try to slip your eager fingers into the waistband of his dress pants but find it too snug a fit. Surprised but undeterred you fumble with the button, struggling to undo it but then finally tugging the tabs apart and lowering the zipper. You’ve been hasty, frantic in your desire to undress him but the sight of the reddening indents his pants caused on his perfect skin has you pausing. “Baby,” you tut at him, “Why did you buy these if they didn’t fit?” You run the thumb of one hand along the angry looking lines and with the other you caress his cheek, worried he intentionally was making himself uncomfortable. You had thought you were past those inclinations. 

A blush creeps along the curve of his cheekbones and his eyes look away, not meeting yours. “I bought these that first day we went shopping. They fit then.” 

It takes a moment before understanding dawns on you and Loki dares a look over to see your expression. He’s terrified to find disgust or revulsion but finds neither, just a soft “o” of your lips when you realize what he means. 

Tentatively you run your palm up the long plane of his torso, realizing there _is_ a newly accumulated layer of softness there. After spending every day by his side the slow, small change was mostly missed. Sure you had noticed that he no longer looked quite as frail and there was a hint of softness to him when your hands explored at night under the warmth of your large fluffy duvet. But none of that really dawned on you that he’d gained any noticeable weight. The most acknowledgement was the one day you told him he was looking healthier, which was the honest truth. “Oh.” you murmur quietly finally breaking the silence of the room. “We should get you new ones.”

“I suppose we should.” he agrees.

“How do you feel about that?” you know it’s a delicate subject but you need to feel him out; make sure he’s okay. 

“I’m not… thrilled about it. But I’m coping. I warned you my metabolism was slow, this is a natural result of a month’s worth of real food. I can lose it but…” he trails off with a shrug.

“Do you want to?”

“Do you want me to?” he counters.

Your response is slow, measured, to ensure you are using the exact words you want despite the slight buzz still thrumming in your head. “It’s your body and you should do whatever you like with it. You don’t have to worry what I think. You could lose it all or gain twice as much, it’s not going to change how I feel about you or how much I want you.” 

Loki’s face is stern concentration for a moment before it shifts to a reluctant acceptance. “It doesn’t bother me as much as I expected it to. I like our life as it is and if I have to buy new pants then I think I’m just going to have to be okay with that.” 

“Good. I’m glad. You’re so gorgeous, baby.” you claim his lips again as relief washes over you. You want him to be happy and at peace. Looping a finger in his boxers you tug them down so they fall to the floor. He’s finally bare and you’re in heaven. You drop to your knees, nuzzling your nose in the small trail of dark hair that leads from below his navel down to the thatch of curls above his cock. He’s already achingly hard, needing no more stimulation. You press kisses to both of his hips and then take him fully in your mouth in one greedy swallow. 

Loki hisses a breath as you swallow him down, the tight warmth making it difficult not to buck his hips. He won’t do that to you though and he goes ramrod still only allowing himself the most careful strokes of your hair. You’re a demon with him in your mouth, swirling your tongue in ways that make him throw back his head and moan at a decibel he fears your roommates will hear. After a few minutes of the most delicious torture he can stand he finally pulls you up, wanting to return the favor.

Loki slides the zipper of your dress down until the garment is pooling around your feet and he helps you step out of it. Your bra and panties are flung into the pile of clothes while he lays you down on the bed. He kisses a leisurely trail along your throat, over your breasts with attention paid to each, down the softness of your belly, and finally to his ultimate destination. He noses at your folds, spreading them and allowing his tongue to run flattened strokes all along your cunt. Your thighs tremble against his shoulders and he moans, loving how much you’re enjoying what he’s doing. The reverberations of his moan go right to your clit as he swirls his tongue in circles around it until you’re throbbing. You don’t last long under his ministrations, especially not when he adds two long fingers to the mix, thrusting come hither motions inside you until you’re gasping for air and making mindless, mewling noises. You fall apart for him so beautifully he could weep for the gift you’ve given him by allowing him to love your body like this. He’s gentling you down from your climax when he hears you mumble something barely intelligible. 

“What was that?” he asks lifting his head to see your face.

You’re blissed out but manage to raise your voice a little, “I want you. Please, Loki. I want you inside me.” 

“Oh.” he’s shocked, torn by your request. “Oh darling girl. We can’t. Norns help me I want to but we can’t. You know what we’re risking if we do.” 

You shake your head side to side quickly, “I don’t care. God, I just want you so bad, baby.” 

“We’ll talk about it with clearer heads in the morning. For now though, do you have any toys I could use instead?”

You nod and motion to the nightstand drawer where Loki finds what he’s looking for. He hums approvingly as he tests the vibration settings on it, running it up and down the insides of your thighs. Your skin prickles with goosebumps and you shiver. He’s careful to be gentle as he rubs a thumb over your sensitive clit, ensuring you’re ready. “Please” you gasp and he accommodates, slipping the tip of the dildo inside you. Your back arches at the sensation and he takes his time sliding it in you to the hilt. You’re moaning again, reveling in the slight stretch and feeling of fullness. It’s not Loki but he’s the one in the driver's seat and that is good enough for now. 

You’re panting by the time he really starts thrusting the toy, all the while keeping up his thumb circling your clit. You thought you came fast the last time but the next hits you like a freight train. His name mixes with desperate pleas as you feel your body clamping down around the toy seconds after he turns it on vibrate. You’re shaking, all but lifting off the bed as your back bows from the pleasure. It takes a full minute before you can open your eyes and you’re still breathing hard. Loki is poised between your legs, watching you like a starving man before a feast. His pupils are blown so wide there’s just the slightest ring of green around them, his bottom lip crimson and swollen from him biting down on it ruthlessly. “Oh, princess.” he drawls, trying to hold himself back from taking you right then and there. His blood sings with the word _mate_ but he fights off his baser instincts by some act of deliverance. 

“Get up here.” you beg, making grabbing motions at him. He looks unsure, trying to figure out your intentions. “I want you in my mouth.” you clarify much to his delight. He shifts up so he’s straddling you with his impossibly long thighs, letting his cock dangle enticingly in front of your face. You shift up a little so you can take him in hand, guiding him into the moist heat of your mouth. Once he’s buried between your lips you reach back, grasping his perfect peachy bottom in your hands to guide his thrusts gently letting him fuck your mouth. Loki punches out a breath and leans to grasp the headboard behind you for support. His muscles are trembling to keep himself in position and he’s lost to the wonderful torment of your tongue sliding up and down his length while your cheeks hollow creating the perfect suction around him. You’ve only done this one other time and he lasted an embarrassingly short amount of time then. He prays desperately to last just a little longer this time. You keep up your ministrations until choked sounds are spilling from him, his chest heaving as he pants, and he mumbles a warning that he’s close. The words are kerosene on a fire and you worship him more fervently until he’s spilling down your throat with a shout. Your headboard creaks under his grip but thankfully takes the abuse without becoming damaged. 

Loki is shaking as he swings a leg free and moves to lay down next to you. He kisses you softly, neither of you caring about the taste of yourself on the other’s lips. “You’re amazing.” he whispers reverently. 

You moan a throaty agreement, “So are you.” 

“I’m sorry we can’t… that I’m…” 

“No, stop.” you cut him off, “Do **not** apologize for who you are. Thank you for making us wait. We really need to talk about that, soon preferably, but I’m okay waiting as long as we need to. I care about you so much, I’d wait forever for you.” 

“Lucky for you I’m not as patient as that. I won’t be a Jim to your Pam and make you wait four years. I just want to make sure you fully understand what this bond means before we commit.” 

“Did you just reference The Office?” your voice breaks a little and your heart is bursting. 

“I admit to nothing.” he says evasively. 

“You’re not getting off that easily.” you tease, fingers poised to tickle his ribs.

“That’s what she said.” he blurts out before trying to wiggle away from your onslaught of tickles.

You’re both breathless and giggling after a few minutes so Loki captures you in his arms, holding you close and ending the game. You yawn deeply and he kisses the top of your head, “We should get some rest.” he tells you. 

You nod, begrudgingly, and let yourself melt into the comfort of his embrace. This was the best day you’ve had in ages and you are so glad it was with him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You plan your winter break get away with Loki and before you know it, your exams are over and it’s time to go. 
> 
> Content Warning: More domestic fluff. A very smitten Loki. That is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! So I did another time jump in this one... sorry / not sorry. I just adore these two together and need to get to the good stuff. Fun fact: Clearwater Beach, FL is a real place, and honestly ya’ll it’s heaven. I went there a few years ago with the hubby and about sobbed having to leave. It’s definitely one of my fave places to go. And, quick PSA: every body is a beach body. Eff the haters, bikinis for all! It took me 30 years of life to realize that but I’ve been prancing around in my adorable bikinis for three summers now and have only ever received compliments on them. Be bold, lovelies! XOXO - Ash

Morning light streams in through the thin curtains in your bedroom window. You wake in a tangle of limbs as usual, stretching a little but not enough to disturb Loki who is still sleeping soundly. You reach for your phone, wanting a way to pass the time while your lover sleeps in. Winter break is still three months away but you want to start looking for vacation options sooner rather than later. Despite Loki wanting to finance the entire trip, you plan to contribute one way or another. You search around online looking for cheap flights finding a few options in Florida pretty appealing. After researching hotel options in the cities cheapest to fly to, you discover a little island off the coast of Florida in the Gulf of Mexico. It’s only a short drive from Tampa which has the cheapest flights you’d found so far. The tickets are a flash sale price so you need to act fast and you’re desperate to get away somewhere warm during the two weeks you’re off from school. You’ll have enough stashed away by that point to miss a few shifts at work and figure you can go away for ten days without stretching yourself too thin. You hope it’ll be an easy compromise: you buy the plane tickets and he can pay for the hotel. You could never afford to stay somewhere for that long, but ten days at a decent hotel near the beach will be a non-issue for him after all the fancy resorts you had caught him looking into. You had put your foot down after the third all inclusive resort bungalow he’d shown you last week. 

Acting on impulse you purchase the tickets, letting out a little squeak of happiness when your confirmation number pops up. Unfortunately your squeak wakes Loki who gives you a sleepy grin when he notices your elated expression. “What’s got you so happy this early?” he asks, his voice rough from sleep. 

You lean in for a quick kiss before showing him your phone. 

“Princess,” his tone is a warning, “What have you done now?”

“You didn’t expect to get away with paying for our whole vacation, did you?” you quip. 

“I did, actually. That was the point of me offering to pay.” 

“You can’t keep spending so much money on me!” 

A low noise that sounds suspiciously like a growl rumbles in Loki’s throat. “I can, and I will. You are **mine** , darling girl. Mine to spoil, mine to care for.” 

“But you’re mine too.” you try pleading, “Aren’t I allowed to take care of you too?”

“Fighting dirty, are we?” 

“Only speaking the truth. Besides, all I did was buy our plane tickets. They were so cheap and I found somewhere for us to go that hits all the criteria on our list.” 

Loki sighs but relents, “Where are we going?” 

“Clearwater Beach, Florida.” you tell him proudly. “It’s a quick drive from Tampa off the coast in the gulf. It should be in the mid seventies during the day and the sand is so pure it’s practically white. So we’ll have powdery sand and bright blue water just like we wanted. It’s perfect and I promise, the tickets were a steal.” 

“I’m paying for the hotel.” 

“I figured as much. We’ll fly out Wednesday the week classes end and come back the following Friday so we have a few days at home before classes start again.” 

“I thought I’d have to fight you on missing more than a week of work.”

“I’ll manage. And there’s so much to do down there, we’ll need ten days if we want time to relax _and_ explore.” 

“Did you find a hotel you liked?”

“Nope, I’m leaving that up to you.” 

“Good, you’ll be surprised then. And since you bought the tickets, I’ll be buying you a few new swimsuits for the trip. Maybe some of those little beach dresses too.” 

“You really need to stop trying to buy me things.” 

“Oh, trust me, princess, I’m buying those for me.” the look he gives you is downright lewd and you giggle and squirm out of his grasp. 

“You find a hotel, I’ll make breakfast in bed.” you tell him as you shimmy into your favorite leggings. 

He sighs but lets you go with a fond smile. 

xxXxx

December comes before you can blink and you’re frantically packing your suitcase on a cold Tuesday afternoon after finishing your last final of the semester. Loki had participated in finals out of sheer curiosity but since he didn’t have real grades riding on the tests he wasn’t as stressed over things as you were. The stress from finals is gone now that you’ve turned in your last exam but you’ve moved on to stressing over packing ten days worth of clothes in an airline approved sized bag. 

“Okay, you’re done.” Loki grabs you by your waist and pulls you down to sit on his lap where he’s perched on the edge of the bed. 

“I just don’t know how it’s all going to fit and I don’t want to have to pay extra for…” you ramble but he cuts you off before you can really get going.

“I’m not dealing with airline luggage. Pack as many damned things as you want and I’ll just stash it all in my void. I can get it back out when we’re at the hotel and then pack it all away before we leave. Easy.” 

“But what if something happens and you can’t get it out or put it all back?” you worry.

“Darling, you know I’ve been practicing again. I haven’t had any issues in weeks now.” 

You nod, you do know he’s been practicing. He’s been putting in real effort with his seidr almost daily for over a month now. After a long, tearful, night when he explained why he’d stopped using his magick you had helped him start to move past his hatred of it and accept it a little bit more. After all, it was what had brought him to you. Ever since then he’d been using it a little more each day trying to build up his strength to what it once was. 

“Okay.” you acquiesce “That’ll make life a lot easier.” 

“I’ll tuck my things away now, you take your time.” Loki plants a kiss on the side of your neck and let’s you up. You start gathering up the, frankly ridiculous, bikinis Loki insisted on buying you and pack them in a second bag. Despite your lamenting that you don’t have a bikini body, Loki had protested quite adamantly. You met somewhere in the middle with a high waisted style that allowed for maximum coverage but still counted as a bikini. In all reality, you would only be baring a few inches of your tummy where the bottoms and top didn’t meet but it was enough to make you a little nervous after a lifetime of modest one pieces. They are beautiful though, you muse as you pack the half dozen sets he insisted on buying you. You’re looking forward to seeing him in his new board shorts on the beach too, and the odds are you’ll forget what you have on the second you see him the low slung shorts he bought. 

Packing doesn’t take as long as you expected and you’re done before it’s even dark outside. You hear your friends trickling in, first Sunny, then Chelsi, as they finish their own finals for the semester. You’re all still a little brain fried and glad to be done with exams for a few months. Loki, sweetheart that he is, endears himself to both of your roommates by offering to buy take out for everyone to celebrate the end of the semester. He knows you’re all exhausted and no one has the energy to cook. He’s still learning to cook and has only mastered a few simple things, none of which he wants to offer up for dinner. You all agree on the good Italian place and Loki orders several different dishes and sides for you all to share, promising Sunny and Chelsi that the leftovers will be all theirs to enjoy. Loki curls up on the sofa next to you like a cat, so unabashedly affectionate even with your friends in the room. A few months ago he would have never dreamed of doing that, but now he’s gotten to know both of them quite well and counts them as real friends of his own, not just yours. 

Long after dinner has come and gone the four of you are relaxing and finishing the movie you had put on to watch while you ate. You’re practically in Loki’s lap, curled up all sated and sleepy. 

“Aww, look at you two.” Sunny giggles, happily sipping from her glass of wine. 

“What?” you ask pointedly. 

“You’re just so… _cute_. And happy. I’m so happy for you Y/N.” 

“Thanks, Sunny. I am happy.” you give Loki’s hand a little squeeze making sure he knows he’s the source of your happiness.

“And you,” Sunny points at Loki, “You are just the biggest sweetheart. I feel spoiled and I’m not even dating you. I knew underneath that cranky tough guy bullshit there was a big old softie under there.” 

Loki huffs a laugh, “You never know,” he jokes “I could just be lulling you into a false sense of security before I reveal my nefarious plan.” 

Chelsi snorts in her wine glass, “Yeah, okay.” she deadpans and the rest of you dissolve into giggles. 

Loki looks a little put out but it’s all for show. “I was truly terrifying once, I’ll have you know.”

You pat his cheek condescendingly, “We know, baby. You were very scary.” 

“It’s all your fault.” he grumbles and pokes you once in the side. 

You yelp and squirm but don’t leave your seat. “I’ll take the blame, all of it. I love that I get to see this side of you. The _real_ you. I…” you trail off, eyes wide when you realize how close you were to letting the three little words you’re still avoiding slip. 

Loki makes a humming sound of agreement, “It’s okay, darling. Let’s get to bed, we have an early flight tomorrow.” 

You say goodnight to your friends and let him lead you down the hall to bed. It’s hard to believe that vacation is finally just a quick night’s sleep away. The excitement would keep you up but exhaustion wins out the second your head hits the pillow.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your vacation is off to a wonderful start down in Florida. After a romantic dinner, you make a proposal that shocks Loki to his core. 
> 
> Content Warning: Sweet vacation fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! I love this chapter for so many reasons. And I think you will too. One thing that will give you a giggle - the sting ray bit in this chapter is from my actual life. While we were on vacation there we went to the Clearwater Beach Aquarium and fed the sting rays and my husband was “licked” by one of them. He made the most delight squealing noise ever and it is one of my favorite vacation memories of all time. Hope you enjoy! XOXO - Ash

You should have known Loki would pull some stunt with your flight after he had accepted you buying the tickets so easily. Your seats had been normal economy class seats, about a third of the way back, by the window so it was just the two of you together. As you board the plane however, you’re ushered left instead of right and into the first class section. You still have two seats next to each other by the window but it’s one row back from the cockpit. 

“You’re impossible.” you grouse at him, refusing to admit how much nicer the first class seats are.

“Yes, yes. Hate me later when we’re getting free champagne and snacks.” he quips.

“I will.” you stick your tongue out at him playfully and he pulls you in for a quick kiss. 

“You’re welcome.”

“Thank you.” You suppose you can't be surprised and decide to make the most of the amazing seats he got for you. 

The flight is blessedly quick and you arrive in Tampa a little after ten in the morning. It’s already above seventy degrees and the sun is blinding after being in dreary, cold New York less than three hours ago. Loki checks in for a rental car while you stand outside on the sidewalk, soaking in the sunshine. You haven’t been this far south on vacation before and you realize you’ve been missing out. 

The palm trees tower above, slender and willowy with delicate fronds swaying in the breeze. You’d only ever seen them in pictures and the real thing is quite a sight. Loki dangles the car keys at you and takes your hand, leading you off to the rental. You’re not surprised that he picked a two seat convertible and it’ll be nice to enjoy all the warm air Florida has to offer. You worry momentarily as he lowers the roof but he is quick to produce two hair ties from his pocket. Once both of you have fastened your hair back with the ties he brought for this exact purpose, Loki is guiding the car onto the highway and away from the bustling city. 

Driving out across the water from the mainland onto Clearwater Beach is one of the most surreal experiences of your life. The highway goes up and then down gradually, curving as it goes, all above iridescent teal blue water. There are more palm trees lining the two sides of the road and for a moment it’s like driving off into the ocean. You’re grinning ear to ear and Loki is enraptured by your joy. He keeps sneaking little glances over every chance he gets and has to force himself to focus on where he’s going. 

You’re not able to check in to your hotel until 2pm and even that was a stretch from their normal 4pm policy. Loki is all for just heading to the beach but you see a sign for the Clearwater Marine Aquarium as soon as you’re on the island and you honest to god bounce up and down in your seat in excitement. “Please, Loki, please!?” you beg shamelessly. 

“How can I say no to that?” he asks with a laugh. “Get the directions, we’ll go.”

You set the navigation system for the aquarium’s address and you’re pulling in only a few minutes later. It’s not a large aquarium like they have in Tampa but you’re still excited to look around. You’re walking in when the announcement for stingray feedings comes across the loudspeaker. Loki lets you drag him along as you follow the signs leading you up to the deck where the tank of stingrays are. You always loved the stingrays at the Camden Aquarium but you’ve never fed or touched one before. Loki is just following along, unsure what a stingray is or why you’re so excited but it matters little to him. He’s just happy to see you so excited over something. The tank is full of stingrays in all sizes and various shades of grey, all swimming quickly around in a school. Loki is fascinated by them as they flutter past and he catches a glimpse of their faces. 

“Aren’t they amazing?” you ask him. 

“They’re interesting creatures for sure.” he concedes.

“I always get a laugh out of the little ones, they’re like ravioli with faces.” 

Loki chuckles, “Norns, I love the way your mind works.” 

“Do you want to feed them with me?”

“You know, now that you’ve drug me up here for that exact purpose I’m thinking we should skip it.” 

You shove at him lightly and go to buy trays of fish from the aquarium employee. The small silver fish are smelly and you’re a little grossed out having to touch them but the allure of getting to touch a stingray overrides your revulsion. Loki doesn’t seem any happier as he pinches one of the fish between his index and middle fingers the way you’re shown to do it. “The things I do for you.” he grumbles as he puts his hand in the tank. 

You’re both elbow deep in the tank with your fish in position as the school of stingrays come back around looking for more treats. You can’t stifle the yelp you let out when a large ray collects the fish from you and slides itself over your hand. It’s skin is silky soft and you can feel how strong its wings are as it flaps while still touching you. Loki’s eyes widen and he makes a strangled noise of surprise when one of the smaller stingrays slides over his hand. “I think it _licked_ me!” he shudders, “Can these things lick people?” 

The man running the feeding session chuckles and nods, “They have small basihyals on their mouth floors, that’s basically like a tongue for a fish. The little ones get excited at feeding time and it probably swiped you with it when it collected the fish.” 

Loki turns to you, a perplexed expression on his face. “I just got licked by a stingray.” 

You shrug, it’s weird but cool. “I’m a little jealous.”

“Don’t be.” he wriggles his shoulders, clearly unsettled by the experience. 

Loki is hesitant to put his arm back in the tank so he just watches you as you reach back in to let the rays flutter around you, letting you stroke them gently as they go by. After a few minutes you relent and move on to see what other creatures they have. You get to meet several beautiful sea turtles, a famous dolphin, and a pair of very inquisitive otters. There’s dozens of other animals but the otters are by far Loki’s favorite. He asks the one employee if people are permitted to own otters for pets and gets quite an earful about respecting marine mammals and understanding that they need specified care that most people have no way of giving them. When the woman is done and walks off Loki raises an eyebrow at you, “That seemed unnecessary. I can never tell on this planet what is and isn’t a pet.” 

“It’s okay, baby. I didn’t know either. I don’t think we would be getting an otter regardless if it was allowed or not, though.” you assure him. 

“Why not? We both like them and they’re small.” 

“They need a lot of care and we’re both gone a lot between work and school. It wouldn’t be fair to the otter.” 

“Well then, what pet should we get?”

“Who said we’re getting a pet at all?” you stare at him in disbelief. Not once has he brought up getting one to you. 

“I just… I think it would be nice.” he shrugs bashfully, “We could get something small for around the apartment. Like a cat. Something we could care for and love.” 

“That’s sweet but we’d have to run it past Sunny and Chelsi too. And make sure we’re even home enough to realistically care for a pet.”

“We can ask them when we get back.” 

You agree to move on from the topic, needing some time to get your head around the prospect of pet parenthood with Loki. You like cats and wouldn’t mind having something small and furry to cuddle up with while watching TV but that Loki seems so invested in the idea is amusing. You wonder if Jotun have biological clocks that can go off. 

After a quick lunch along the beach you can finally check in to your hotel and Loki plugs in the address to the GPS heading south on the main road. The Opal Sands Resort is a far cry from the budget hotels you had looked at when you were planning the trip. Once again, true to form, Loki has found the most opulent thing he could and decided he needs it. The resort is the nicest on the island with the best view of the water and an elegant ocean inspired look. Your suite has a balcony overlooking the water and feels enormous for just the two of you. The whole space is filled with hues of blue and beige with a few nautical accents. It’s stunning and you keep laughing in disbelief as you walk around. The bathroom is even beautiful, with a large spa shower that could fit four people comfortably. Loki comes up behind you, pulling you by the waist into his arms, “Are you happy, darling?” he asks quietly. 

“So happy. Thank you for this. It’s amazing.” you tell him. 

“Good. I’ve rented us a little beach set up for tomorrow. All we have to do is laze around all day and swim when we feel like doing something. We’ll have chairs and umbrellas to stay under if we get too hot.” 

“That sounds perfect.” 

“You’re perfect.” he purrs against your neck and you shiver. Loki trails a line of feather light kisses down the back of your neck and leads you carefully towards the bedroom. Because what are vacations for if not for enjoying each other’s bodies in the middle of the day with the sound of the ocean in the background.

xxXxx

On your second day of vacation you sleep in later than you have since school started four months ago. It’s after 9am when you finally crack open your eyes and take in the world around you. Loki is just watching you quietly and you’d be a little unnerved if it weren’t for the look of pure adoration on his face. 

“Morning, baby.” you croak sleepily.

“Good morning, princess.” he says while brushing a stray hair out of your face. 

You wish you could spend all day in bed with him but there’s so much to do and see. You end up spending the day on the beach just as Loki had planned and you alternate between splashing around in the warm gulf water and hiding under your wide beach umbrellas. 

Loki is less than thrilled at going out shirtless considering how his body has changed over the past few months but he does it for you. You adore the added softness to his previously bone thin frame. He’s healthy and happy that’s what matters. The little layer of soft chub over his middle has only made him better for cuddling, in your opinion. 

You’ve read most of the one book you brought along and Loki’s filled a few more pages in his sketchbook by the time the sun dips low over the water, sunset not far off. Loki made reservations at the restaurant at the resort, getting a quiet table in a secluded corner where you can just enjoy each other’s company and a good meal without the bustling dining room surrounding you. 

Watching the sunset over the water from your quiet table is perfect in an overly romantic way you never expected to have in your life. You never had hearts in your eyes when it came to love, always practical, but Loki has changed all that. You’ve been certain for weeks now and you’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to lay all your cards on the table. You had hoped it would come while on vacation and you’re not disappointed that it’s come so soon. You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect moment than this.

“What do you want to do tonight?” Loki asks, spearing a bite of scallop on his fork.

“You.” you answer bluntly. The sight of Loki going from perfectly composed to choking on a bit of seafood is priceless and exactly the shock value you were after. 

“Very funny.” he rolls his eyes and resumes eating.

“Not at all.” Loki looks up at you and you continue now that you have his attention. “I’m ready, Loki. I’ve been ready.” 

Loki sets down his fork, emotions warring across his face. “You know what that means.”

“I do. I’m in love with you, and I’m ready.” 

A shudder runs through Loki and his pupils are blown wide, his knuckles white as they grip the edge of the table. “You have to be certain. There’s no going back from this. It’s for life.” 

“Are you… are you not sure?” you falter, fear icing your veins that maybe he wouldn’t want to be tied down to you and that’s where the hesitation is coming from.

“You are **mine**.” The words are borderline feral and he takes a swallow of his water to reign himself in from his baser instincts, “Of course I’m sure, I’ve never been more sure of anything in fifteen hundred years. But you’re so young, I don’t want you to tie yourself down to someone like me unless you are truly certain.”

“Someone like you?” you can guess where this is coming from and you’re dead set on reassuring him he’s worthy of this bond. “Someone who is kind? Affectionate? Loyal? Selfless?”

“You only see the good.” 

“And you only see the bad. You trust me, right?”

“Of course.” he nods in agreement.

“Then trust me when I tell you that I’m in love with you and I want to be bonded to you for the rest of my life. Though,” you chuckle lightly, “I’m still learning what that means considering I’m a human and my species doesn’t typically do this.” 

Loki’s eyes are glistening with unshed tears and he takes your hand between his across the table, “I love you too. I want to be with you always. I couldn’t have asked the Norns for a more perfect mate.” 

Your nose burns with tears of your own and you sniff a little to keep them from falling. 

“Shall we get the check?” he asks, knowing neither of you will be able to finish your meals at this point.

“Yes, please.” your voice only waivers slightly and you feel like your entire body is vibrating at the prospect of what’s to come.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Loki finally seal your bond. Aka: the one where they finally bang.
> 
> Content Warning: Sex. Lots of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! This the moment some of you have been eagerly awaiting :D But trust me, there are a few surprises thrown in the mix too. It wouldn’t be any fun without an OMG moment or two, right? Right. Enjoy lovelies! XOXO - Ash

Back in your suite Loki bustles around while you stand mutely, watching him with amusement. You’ve both been quiet since you left the restaurant, knowing that you’re finally going to consummate the bond you’ve been dancing around for months. You don’t need hearts and flowers, nor do you particularly want them, it’s not who you are, but you adore watching Loki flitter around the room setting up pillar candles to cast a soft glow over the bedroom. It matters to him and so it matters to you. 

Loki busies himself setting up candles to keep his nerves at bay. He’s still waging a war inside, half terrified out of his mind at taking this step with someone after fifteen hundred years of not truly believing in the concept of a _sjelevenn_. But then came you. In the depths of his despair you pulled him up and made him question every moment of his life up until that point. He knows he would be dead by now if he hadn’t met you; he was so lost and full of pain and sadness after being brought back. Loki wonders if sealing the bond with you will cause any changes for either of you. He’d only ever heard whispers of it and never between a Jotun and a human. It’s only a matter of time before he finds out though. 

After Loki pauses his decorating for a moment, looking around for anything else that isn’t quite right, you take his hand, forcing him to stop. You look up into his sea green eyes and give him a soft smile. “It’s okay, baby.” 

Loki swallows thickly and nods, “I just want it to be perfect.” 

“It is. All I need is you, nothing else matters.” you pull on his hand gently, leading him to the large fluffy bed. “Come on.” you coax him to lay down with you, still fully clothed. As much as you want this to happen, you have all night. There’s no need to rush. 

Loki slides onto the bed next to you, both of you lying on your sides facing each other. You reach out tentatively to card your fingers through his silky black hair and he closes his eyes, leaning into your touch ever so slightly. To your surprise Loki initiates the kiss, hesitant at first then gradually becoming more bold. His cool hand trails down your side, resting on your hip which he squeezes firmly; loving the plush satiny feel of it in his wide palm. You inch closer until your bodies are flush against one another. He doesn’t seem to have any intention of moving things forward so you take the first step by pulling back to strip your shirt off. With careful hands you tug at his shirt for him to follow suit, desperate to get your hands on him as well.

You’re thankful you packed only your nice underwear for the trip, knowing you’d have plenty of opportunities to seduce your sweet god. The deep emerald green silk of the set you have on reminds you of Loki’s battle cape and he notices the similarity immediately. He hums his appreciation, skimming his hands over your breasts and around your side to unclasp your bra. Loki shifts down to capture one of your pebbled nipples in his mouth, working the other between his skilled fingers. You tangle your fingers in his hair, keeping it out of his eyes for him, the strands like silk in your hands. You’re twitching under him, little jolts when the sensation hits just right sending lightning bolts straight down to your core. He pulls back with a predatory smile and you’re starting to see the allure of hurrying things along. 

Loki is achingly hard, straining against the fabric of his pants when he lifts his head up from your breasts. He loves the way your body responds so visibly to him; the way your breath hitches when he gets the motions _just_ right. He would keep at it for hours if he could, his primal urges begging him to pleasure his mate well. A sharp hiss slips out when you palm him over top his pants and his cock jumps in response to the contact. You kiss down the column of his throat while you unbutton and unzip his pants, your hands and mouth working in tandem. Gentle flicks of your tongue against his little pink nipples have his cock twitching against your hand again. You hadn’t expected him to be so sensitive but you are more than pleased with the discovery. Once you have him bare you tug roughly at your own pants, pulling them down and off so you are naked except for your green silk panties. You take his hard length in your hand, stroking it a few times until he’s leaking beads of precum down his shaft. Loki trembles, unable to take any more teasing and flips you onto your back, his larger body looming over you. 

You gasp when your shoulders hit the mattress, the lust blazing Loki’s eyes wild and untamed. It startles and excites you in turn. Loki gazes down at your panties appreciatively while dipping his hand inside them, running a long finger along the seam of your inner lips. The scrap of silk is still too much in his way and with one vicious tug he tears them free. You yelp in surprise at the sting of silk giving way against your skin. “Those were new.” you complain facetiously.

“I’ll buy you more.” he promises, unperturbed by your words. Loki dips a finger inside your walls and finds you slick already. It’s almost too much and he has to force himself to be patient instead of mounting you then and there like a beast. The word _mate_ sings in his blood almost driving him mad with want. “Oh, princess.” he coos, “So wet and ready for me.” 

You nod frantically, unable to reply verbally. Your brain is far too busy being flooded by the overwhelming sensations of his thumb rubbing against your clit in the exact way that gets you off quickest. It’s incredible how well he has come to know your body, almost better than yourself in some ways. Loki keeps up his ministrations until your hips are bucking against his hand and he’s got you biting your lip to silence your cries when you come for him. You’re panting beneath him, thankful for the contact of his cool skin against your flushed body. Loki’s looking down with a mix of love and concern in his eyes. It’s finally time.

“Darling, are you sure?” he asks and you nod feverently, “I will still love you no matter what. Whether we do this or not, it doesn’t change how I feel for you.” 

You force your brain to form words to alleviate his concern. “I know, baby, I know. I want this, I want you. Please, I want this.”

“Norns, I am not worthy.” Loki mutters under his breath and he swings a long pale leg over you so he’s straddling your hips. He lavishes your body with kisses while slipping two fingers inside you, ensuring you’re ready for him. You know it’s going to be a stretch to accommodate him, you’ve had his cock in your hands and in your mouth enough times to know he’s above average in every way, especially compared to your previous lovers. You feel dampness against your belly where Loki’s cock is curved up beautifully, pressing against you while he readies you for him. He pulls back a moment later, watching your eyes again to be sure and you give him a nod and a reassuring smile. With a shudder Loki takes his aching cock in hand and slowly guides himself inside.

You had imagined what this moment would be like and the reality of it far surpasses your expectations. Loki is cool and solid as steel inside you, the length of him brushing past all your sensitive nerve endings setting off sensations like fireworks as he moves. He’s slow at first, wanting to let you get used to the fullness by setting a gentle pace. Your breaths come in sharp gasps as pleasure ricochets in your brain. You dig your nails into his shoulders, trying to brace yourself against the onslaught of sensation. You had felt the call of his body to yours from day one, but what had started as a campfire in your chest has morphed into a raging inferno that threatens to consume you, body and soul. Nothing else matters in that moment as Loki thrusts into you, his thumb resuming his torment of your clit as he moves. Time becomes an inconsequential concept and you can no longer tell where one climax ends and the next begins. 

Loki knows it won’t be very long as soon as he starts moving inside you. The desperate need to seal your bond, to mate, has become all consuming and he’s quickly losing the little control he has to keep his thrusts gentle. Every stroke inside you is better than every orgasm he’s ever had, and he’s had plenty in his lifetime. Everything else just pales in comparison, drifting away from his mind until all that’s left is you. He can feel his climax building but it’s something more too. Something he’s never experienced before but feels primal and right. His hips snap against yours with an animalistic fervor and your satisfied cries at the change in pace fuel him to keep going. He’ll draw it out longer next time, he promises himself as he hurtles you both towards your releases at a breakneck pace. Loki is clinging to his self control but when your walls clamp down around his cock like a vice, harder and longer than they have before, he’s lost. 

He wishes he’d known more about what to expect. Then he wouldn’t be so surprised when the moment before he comes his eyes turn scarlet red and his skin breaks out in swirling patterns, morphing into the bright blue of the Jotun. He’s stunned but too far gone to stop. Loki comes with a literal roar, surprised and relieved and filled with a bliss he’s never felt before. He thinks the orgasm will never end and when it finally does he almost collapses on top of you. Catching himself on his elbows just in time, he lays carefully over top you as you come down from your own peak.

You’re covered in goosebumps as your body calms from the series of brutal orgasms Loki pulled from you. His skin feels wonderful against yours and you’re fascinated watching the swirling patterns recede, his color gradually fading back to his normal porcelain paleness. You trace a few of them idly as they fade and Loki flinches. 

“I didn’t know that would happen.” he apologizes. 

You can feel his sadness at that and it shocks you. You force yourself to respond despite your surprise. “It was beautiful, _you’re_ beautiful.” 

Your love for him and the truth of your words slam into Loki’s chest like a punch. His eyes widen as he tries to understand. “I can… I can feel you.” He shakes his head, amazed. “You truly don’t mind my Jotun form.” 

You smile, glad he’s feeling the strange connection too. “And you were sad when you realized I’d seen it. I feel you too. It’s incredible, like you’re a ghost in my body.” 

“The bond is more than just bedtime stories after all. I never expected this in all my years.” 

“Me neither, but I think being a human puts me at a distinct disadvantage.” 

Loki chuckles against you and you realize he’s still buried inside you. He notices your discomfort and slides himself free. “I’ll get you a towel.” he offers but you place a hand on his arm.

“Let’s shower together.” you propose, and Loki grins at the prospect. 

Without warning Loki scoops you up in his arms, carrying you bridal style into the bathroom. You squeak in surprise but hold on tightly. He sets you down outside the shower stall so you can adjust the water temperature as you see fit. His internal temperature is so low that he’ll be happy with any bit of warmth but he knows your body has different needs than his. You set all the jets and the three large shower heads above on full blast once the water warms up. The glass shower walls trap in the steam, making the enclosed space like a sauna when you step inside. 

You take turns with Loki washing one another’s hair with the citrusy shampoo that was on the bathroom table. You take your time detangling Loki’s hair with the matching conditioner and he’s practically purring by the time you’re done. He returns the favor running the shampoo and then conditioner through your hair gently and you make a mental note to do this more often. 

“May I?” he prompts, holding a bar of soap in hand once he’s finished with your hair. 

You nod your ascent and Loki smooths the bar over your shoulders, tracks of soapy bubbles laying in its wake. He doesn’t hurry with cleaning you, backtracking at times and letting his free hand massage your muscles after they’re slicked with soap. You’ve had two massages in your life and this is better than either of them. You tell him this and Loki chuckles, “You just wait, princess.” 

You groan. You had suspected he booked something for you at the spa downstairs and his comment increases your suspicion. “You didn’t.”

He feigns innocence, “I don’t know what you think I’ve done. But I certainly won’t tell you until after Christmas.”

“Argh.” you grumble, “You’re ridiculous.” 

“No, I’m just taking care of my _mate_.” he growls the word in your ear and damned if you don’t get wet all over again. You press your thighs together, slightly embarrassed by your body’s reaction to him. 

Loki feels your flare of arousal through the bond and his own spikes, answering the siren’s call in his blood. 

“Oh shit.” you gasp as his pleasure hits you, mingling with your own.

“Oh shit, indeed.” he rasps before slipping his soap covered hand between your thighs. 

You’ve had basically no recovery time and you’re a little sore but your body is screaming for his and you can feel the pull to go again. You’re whimpering a little at the friction against your over sensitized nub and you grab his cock in your hand, tugging it almost roughly, desperate for him. “Get inside me. Now.” you command hoarsely and he’s unable to deny you. Loki lifts you up by your hips and practically slams you down on his cock, pressing your back up against the wall so you’re pinned between him and the glass. Your hands scramble upwards, gripping the rim of the glass wall to anchor yourself. Your body is on fire and you can feel the same flames that are burning in you raging within him as well. Everything is a frantic, hedonistic blur as Loki pounds into you wildly and in no time at all you’re both coming, your climaxes echoed by the others until it all just feels too sharp, too intense. Loki stills and you collapse on him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and letting him hold you like a rag doll. 

Loki sinks down, cradling you carefully against him as his legs give way. You’re seated on his lap, legs still wrapped around his waist as he sits on the warm tile floor, both of you giggling at the ridiculousness of what just happened. His giggles are so pure and unexpected coming from him, they’re your favorite sound in the world. 

“We’ve got to get a better handle on that.” he says with a sigh.

You snort, “Uh, yeah. We can’t just jump each other every time one of us gets a little provoked.” 

“It was something though, wasn’t it? Everything was just so much… more.” 

You shudder at the memory, “It really was. We should have been doing this from the start.” 

“I’m glad we waited.” he admits, “I didn’t want to trap you into loving me with the bond, I needed to know it was real first. Jotun bond for life. I’ll never take another mate as long as I live. You most likely won’t be able to either, even though you’re human.” 

“I only want you, my love.” you promise him. It occurs to you, painfully, that his lifetime will likely be much longer than your human one. 

Loki feels the heartache that stabs you at the realization. “There are ways.” he assures you, “I know of one for certain that has been done before with mortals and worked. Give me a little time and, should you want it, we will spend eternity together.” 

“I never wanted to live forever, but I can’t stand the idea of leaving you alone for millennia after my death.” 

“Then I’ll take care of it. I’ll always take care of you. My love. My mate. My life.” he punctuates his words with kisses making you giggle all over again. 

“Didn’t we come in here to get clean?” you tease.

“Well then good thing we didn’t finish before we dirtied ourselves again.” 

You climb off his lap with a groan, your legs a little wobbly. “We wash ourselves this time.” you warn him and begin soaping yourself up. 

Loki gets back on his feet and grabs his own bar of soap compliantly. 

Once you’re both clean, you reluctantly leave the warmth of the shower and bundle your hair and body up in large white fluffy towels. You stretch out on your bed on top of the rumpled duvet, letting yourself dry off for a bit before you worry about clothes. Loki joins you, sitting on the edge of the bed for a moment to flick through TV channels. He catches his reflection on screen for a moment and looks down unhappily. He pokes at his soft belly where it forms two rolls when he sits forward, and pinches the lower curve at his hips between his forefinger and thumb. The disgust and disappointment flows over you like waves and you jolt up, wanting to comfort him. 

“None of that, baby.” you chide him gently. “Your body is perfect.” your hands roam lovingly across the softness of his middle, “This is the body that has laughed, and celebrated, and loved. Unrepressed by self hatred and toxic habits.” 

“I just thought getting to the healthy point of things would be a little less chubby.” 

“Your body had a lifetime of deprivation to compensate for. If it really bothers you, start working out, try to tone up a bit.” you tenderly run a hand along the lower curve of his stomach, making sure he understands you do not mind the added padding at all. 

Loki pulls your hand up to kiss the palm of it. “Maybe in time. I don’t feel like spending hours in the gym away from you right now. It’s just going to take some time to get used to. To accept that it’s not a sign of failure.” 

“Oh, love, no. It’s your victory. Your ‘ _fuck you_ ’ against the years you spent deprived and miserable because your brain fed you lies.” 

Loki can feel your love through the bond and it’s slightly overwhelming when added to what he’s already feeling. He needs to research how the Jotun work around the connection so you two can have a little bit of privacy to your emotions. There must be a way to at least mute the connection instead of this constant influx of feelings. “I love the way you see the world.” he tells you. 

You snuggle in, letting him drape an arm around your shoulders while you keep your hand gently caressing his middle. He eventually finds a rerun of Rick and Morty to watch and you both finish drying off during the first commercial break. After a long day in the sun and an eventful evening you both opt out of putting on clothes and dive under the covers of the extremely comfortable bed instead. It doesn’t matter that it’s barely nine o’clock, you’re both worn out and need a little quiet time together. It’s the epitome of domestic bliss being able to stay in together and go to bed early. You’re so thankful that you get to share this easy companionship with Loki. You’re still wrapping your mind around the whole “bonded mate for life” thing but you think it’s all going to work out just fine.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of your vacation is spent enjoying the sights and celebrating Christmas together with unexpectedly sweet gifts. After vacation you return to the city to ring in the New Year with your nearest and dearest.
> 
> Content Warning: Implied sex but no actual smut in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies. Can you believe we only have one chapter after this? Just one more, then the epilogue. I’m shocked by how quickly it’s gone by! Major sweet fluff and plot movement in this one. Also, “Silent Rain” the exhibit mentioned at the Tampa Museum of Art, is real and it’s my fave. You can Google it and check it out if you’re curious, but I still think I got the best pic ever of it while on my trip. XOXO - Ash

The days fly by and before you can believe it, you’re dragging Loki along for cookie decorating on Christmas Eve at the resort. It’s mostly for the children but a handful of couples join in as well. You can’t resist getting to tease Loki mercilessly when you “accidentally” get icing on your hand and ask him to lick it off for you. The way his eyes roll back as he scrambles for self control is priceless. When you finally get your cookies done you take them back to your room before one of you is liable to do something indecent in public. 

Despite liberal applications of sunscreen, both of you are sporting the faint, golden beginnings of a tan. It’s beyond odd to see Loki with some color to his skin and even more so when the heat of the day clings to him, making his skin warm to the touch instead of his typical coolness. You spend your first few days on the island exploring the beach and each other. It’s like being newly together again and it’s extraordinary. 

Christmas Day dawns with pink and orange striations highlighting the morning sky. The tree in the lobby is lit and the hotel is in full swing celebrating but it doesn’t quite feel like Christmas without the bitter New York cold. Loki has never celebrated before but knows enough to get the concept. You suspect he did some online research after you mentioned it to him and you appreciate the effort. It’s hard to explain why it doesn’t quite feel like a real Christmas but you try to verbalize it for him. Christmas to you is family, and snow, and boozy eggnog by the fire with entirely too many cookies. Loki does his best to understand and after a few minutes he excuses himself to run an errand, which he doesn’t specify the nature of, and hurries off before you can get a clear read on his emotions.

Loki returns an hour later, uncertainty and hope radiating from him. “Can you close your eyes for a moment? Please?” he calls out from the doorway.

“Okay. I’m still in bed so I’ll just stay here if that’s okay.” you call back. 

“That’s fine. Just, _oh damnit I spilled again_ , just stay there.” 

You can’t tell what he’s up to but you settle in against the pillows and wait as patiently as you can. You can hear him rustling around the room and then his weight is pressing down on the bed next to you. 

Loki places something smooth and round in your hands, “You can open your eyes now.”

You look at him first, hope shining in his eyes, then down at the object in your hand. It’s a snow globe with a palm tree and a snowman wearing sunglasses inside. You give it a shake and the faux snow and glitter swirls around the orb. 

“Now you have snow.” he says quietly before going back to the dresser for the tray you hadn’t noticed. On it are two fancy looking glass mugs with a creamy yellowish drink inside and whipped cream on top. There’s also a plate loaded full of various types of cookies. “And cookies and eggnog spiked with bourbon.” he sets the tray on the bed next to you and then pulls his cellphone out from his shirt pocket, “And family.” 

“Surprise!!” Sunny cheers from the screen of Loki’s phone. He had FaceTime called Sunny at her parents house so they could all wish you a Merry Christmas. 

You aren’t typically a crier but you let out a sob when you see your adopted family on the screen. 

“Oh no! Sweetie no! This was supposed to be a happy surprise!” Sunny yelps. 

“It is.” you sniffle, “I’m so happy to see you guys. I just wish I could be there today. I love you all so much.” 

“We love you too. I missed you this year but you deserve a break, Y/N. Next year you guys will have to come out to celebrate before you jet off to wherever.” 

You spend a few minutes talking to Sunny before her mom pries the phone away from her and you get a chance to catch up with her parents. The call doesn’t last more than twenty minutes but you feel so much better by the end. “Thank you for doing all this.” you say to Loki who has been sitting back watching you the whole time. 

“You needed it, so I was happy to provide it. I’m your mate, this is my purpose in life.” he explains like it’s the most simple thing in the world. And in a way, you muse, it kind of is. 

“I still appreciate it. I didn’t even give you your presents yet!” you jump up from the bed, almost sloshing the drinks on the tray before catching yourself. You dig through your second suitcase for the wrapped boxes you had stashed while Loki was packing his own bags. Settling back on the bed you hand him a tall stack of boxes. 

“Darling, you didn’t have to spend your money on me.” he chides gently. 

You raise an eyebrow at him, making sure he understands how hypocritical that is. 

“Okay, fine. Thank you.” He unwraps the gifts with such care, like he’s a ninety year old grandmother who plans to reuse the ‘nice’ paper. You want to take it from him and tear into it yourself as he smooths the paper and folds it neatly. 

“Oh my god no.” you crack, “You’re supposed to tear it off! Rip it, and then crumple it in a heap. It’s half the fun of presents!”

Loki gives you an incredulous look but concedes, “I’ll try on the next one.” He opens the box to find his first gift, a collection of art history books he was looking at but didn’t buy yet. He’s surprised by your thoughtfulness and is genuinely appreciative. You egg him on to tear into the next one and after a brief hesitation he finds you’re right and rips through the delicate paper with gusto. Loki makes quick work of the stack, laying the gifts all around him on the bed. He has a new set of sketch pads, a box of charcoal pencils, a pair of jade green satin pajamas, and a pack of assorted flavored coffees. He’s stunned by how well you picked gifts for him and wraps you up in his arms for a tight embrace while he thanks you over and over.

“I fear my gift will pale in comparison.” he admits shyly. 

“It absolutely will not. I’m going to love it no matter what.” you tell him confidently. 

Loki pulls a pouch from his pants pocket and a pale band falls out onto his palm. He picks up the ring and holds it out to you. The large square blue topaz is brilliant, set atop a band of platinum with intricate swirls flowing down and around the ring. You would have expected him to pick a stone in his favorite shade of green but the way the blue catches in the light you realize he had another meaning in mind. You trace the swirls along the band reverently, they are mirror images of the ones that decorate his Jotun form. You’re overtaken with emotion, clinging to him, then kissing him desperately before pulling back to let him slide the ring on the third finger of your left hand. 

“When? How?” you murmur still in shock. 

“I made it from pieces of my collection last night while you slept. My seidr was more convenient than a jeweler. I was going to give you something else but after everything this week… I wanted you to have something that’s part of me. You accept me as I am in every way. I wanted your ring to honor that.” 

“It’s beautiful.” you rub your ring carefully, letting your hand adjust to the feel of wearing a ring on that finger. 

“The idea of a human marriage seems a little bit like a step backwards compared to our bond but I know your culture is big on rings. Plus, I wanted to let the world know you’re mine.” 

“I am, always. I don’t need a wedding, not at this point. What we have is so much deeper than that. We’ll just tell my friends and family we eloped to keep the nosy questions at bay. I certainly don’t want to have to explain Jotun bonding to Sunny’s dad.” you shudder at the thought. Sunny’s parents were like a second set of your own and that is not a conversation you want to have with them. 

“That’s fine, we can do that.” he agrees easily.

“We’ll just have to dodge the baby questions after that.” you joke.

Loki looks momentarily confused, “We don’t have to worry about that. Well, I don’t think we do. Jotun go through mating cycles. We’re only fertile in the late Winter, typically around February. I shouldn’t be able to impregnate you until then. I think.”

Your eyes widen, terrified of his uncertainty at something so important. “We probably should have figured this out before we started having sex. I have an IUD so we’re covered for now, or at least we should be unless you have super sperm or something.” 

“I’ll make a few calls.” Loki looks lost, unable to believe he’s been so careless. Of course he wants children with you but not for years yet. You have to get your career started and he wants to establish himself more in this world too. You’re so young, he wants to show you the world before settling down with a family. 

“That can be a worry for tomorrow.” you soothe him, “What’s done is done and we’re not going to let it spoil Christmas.” 

Loki pauses but then agrees to let it go until tomorrow. There’s nothing he can do about what’s already done anyway.

xxXxx

As it turns out, your IUD is all the contraception you need even with Loki being Jotun. You’re both relieved beyond words and celebrate by carrying on with the deed that caused concern in the first place. Afterwards, as you’re laying tangled in your bed sheets, Loki tells you he has a few scavengers on the lookout for any remaining Apples of Idunn. It’s your best chance of prolonging your lifetime to match his. You’re hopeful that they’ll come back with one soon so you can secure your future with him. It’s not permanent immortality but it should grant you a few thousand years so you can live out your lives together. 

While he was making his calls, Loki was also put in contact with the elders in New Asgard who handle the finances so he can access the royal vault funds. While the majority of their currency had been destroyed in Ragnarok, their book keepers had grabbed records while they fled. After settling in Denmark, SHIELD had encouraged the world governments to assist in translating their accounts to real money so they could establish themselves on Earth. Loki, as a rightful second heir, will have full access to the Odinson account as soon as Thor validates it. Loki is dreading that conversation, he isn’t sure his brother will want anything to do with him at this point and he still hasn’t reached out after Loki left several messages for him with one of the stewards. 

While you laze in bed Loki realizes he had completely forgotten your other Christmas gift. After the shock and excitement of your ring, your second gift hadn’t even crossed his mind. He shows you the spa brochure which has all the treatments he lined up for you circled. You will be spending the entire day together at the spa on Monday, including a picnic lunch on the beach he lined up separately. You want to fuss over the extravagance but the happy-proud-mate energy rolling off of him makes you just smile and thank him for the wonderful gift. 

After four days of doing absolutely nothing you decide to drive into Tampa on Sunday to sightsee in the city. Loki is still not a city person but he’s more than willing to go since you are. You spend the morning at the aquarium there, it’s larger than the one in Clearwater Beach and even more fun. You snag lunch on a boat tour, sitting back and listening to the history of the area and different famous spots. By the time you’re off the boat you’re both ready for air conditioning again, the heat in the city seems more oppressive than on the beach and it doesn’t help that it’s a record warm day. You hide out for the afternoon in the Tampa Museum of Art where you take your time strolling through exhibits and absorbing the beautiful works of art. Your favorite is “Silent Rain”, a hallway that has strings of letters floating from a row of black hangers. With the large windows to one side and a plain white wall on the other, it’s a visually stunning piece. It’s supposed to be a mix of eight poems from different authors and you catch bits and phrases as you walk through. Loki gets lost in thought looking sculptures in the C. Paul Jennewein collection and you love watching his brain work as he takes everything in. You don’t even realize you’ve spent the rest of the day there until the closing announcements are going off. Loki takes your hand, entwining your fingers with his. “Where to next, my love?” he asks, pressing a kiss to your hand. 

Smiling up at him you pull your joined hands up to kiss his hand in return, “With you, anywhere.” 

You linger in Tampa long into the evening, having grabbed dinner at a nice Italian restaurant in the city and then drinks at a bustling bar on the water. Loki seems to relax more with every passing minute you’re in Florida. The faint little lines of stress by his eyes have disappeared and he’s smiling more. You wish he could be like this always, so at ease and happy. It makes him seem younger and more carefree. As you curl up together in bed late that night you make a silent promise to yourself to try and help him hold on to this happiness even when you return to the city. 

xxXxx

When you do finally return to New York on New Year’s Eve you’re both so relaxed from the trip that the normal hustle and bustle of the city doesn’t even phase you. Rude people at baggage claim, aggressive drivers, it does nothing to spoil your good spirits. You arrive at your little apartment in Manhattan thankful to be home at last. As nice as your vacation was, there is something to be said for being home. Loki surprises both Sunny and Chelsi with warm, welcoming hugs once he sets your carry on bags down. He admits he’s missed them too and is glad to be home. You stand back smiling to yourself, glad the guard he let drop is still down. He deserves to let himself have friends in his life. 

Your New Year’s Eve tradition is nothing fancy, just a little living room party with cheap champagne and mini appetizers instead of a real dinner. A few of your friends from school and the cafe come to join in, and the tiny apartment is packed full of people by 10pm. You’ve claimed the wide, padded chair next to the sofa for the evening. Loki is doing better than you expected with the sudden influx of new people but you know he prefers to keep to himself still. So you let him camp out in the chair, central enough to be part of the group but still in his own spot. You set yourself on top his lap instead of finding a real seat, acting as a sort of a buffer between him and the rest of the room. He’s so damned comfortable too. You lean your head on his shoulder listening to Alex from the cafe regale the group with yet another nightmare customer story. The plate of snacks on your lap is almost empty and you’re debating hopping back up for more vs. staying in Loki’s warm embrace. You parse out the mini quiches as you listen, one for him, one for you, one more for him. Every so often his tongue slips out to trail a soft, kitten lick along your finger before you can pull back and you can feel the spark of need in him. 

By quarter to twelve you’re both squirming in the chair. You’ve gotten better about buffering the bond, most of the time it’s reduced to hazy impressions flitting in the back of your mind. But when you’re perched on his lap and can feel as well as sense his growing desire for you it’s undeniable. You’ve distracted yourself with more champagne and Loki is still popping miniature cream puffs in his mouth while you wait for the clock to strike midnight. It’s been a good night though, having all of your friends gathered to celebrate the new year. After a brief freak out from the group over the news of your “eloping” it’s just like any other year with everyone sitting around swapping stories from the past year. 

The countdown starts and everyone is holding their party poppers, ready to pull the little strings and unleash the streamers and confetti. Your eyes are locked in on Loki’s, lost in their sea green depths. Five, four, three, two, one. The room around your erupts in cheers and a flurry of multicolored paper pieces. You lean forward, capturing Loki’s lips with your own, enjoying your first kiss of the year. Pulling back you both whisper quiet _I love you_ ’s, and you show Loki how to set off the popper so it rains confetti down on you. He looks ridiculous, happy but still ridiculous, with confetti in his hair and you pick little pieces of pink and yellow and blue out of his inky strands. Your friends slowly make their way over to the chair, giving you both hugs before heading out into the cold January night. It’s the perfect start to the new year and you barely want to leave the chair when Sunny and Chelsi trudge down the hall to bed, announcing that the cleaning can wait until later.

Loki, in an impressive show of strength, stands up with you still in his arms. You let out a small squeak, tightening your arms around his neck for support. He carries you carefully down to your small bed, shutting the door behind you with a shove from his foot. Depositing you on the bed, he strips down, waiting a beat with hands poised on the buttons of his shirt until you start wiggling out of your jeans. His skin is still golden from the Florida sun and you can’t wait to get your lips on it to see if the faint taste of salt air still clings to him. You’ve barely been home twelve hours but it feels longer. Loki joins you on the bed, hovering a few inches above you, waiting for you to make a move. The ornately carved silver ring Loki had chosen from his collection for his wedding band catches the dim light, the glint catching your eye and making you grin up at him. You slide your hands down his body from his strong shoulders down his sides to the slight swell of his hips where lovehandles have started to form. They’re soft, pliant, and perfect for squeezing as you pull his hips down to meet yours. You shudder as he trails kisses along your neck, he seems so much bigger when he’s over you like this, engulfing you with his presence. It’s overwhelming in the best possible way. He shifts again, lining himself up so he’s teasing you as he grinds your hips lightly together. “Happy New Year” he murmurs against the satiny skin of your throat. You arch your back in response, happy new year indeed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes back to normal post- vacation while Loki and you plan for your futures. Loki and Thor finally reunite and an unexpected friendship forms during his visit. 
> 
> Content Warning: So much fluff ya’ll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! The last chapter is here and I still can’t believe we’re at the end. Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave kudos and comments on this fic. I appreciate every single notification I get from ya’ll. I hope you enjoy this sweet fluffy ending. Stay tuned, I have a quick little epilogue going up next. XOXO - Ash

Life returns to normal after vacation, the sun and sand fading into pleasant memories. The cold January air has feels normal again and you even start looking forward to the first heavy snowfall of the year. Loki has thrown himself into his art classes and in studying the history of the Jotun. After centuries of deep seated disdain for his true heritage he is finally ready to learn more about the people who were his ancestors. You’re proud of him for his willingness to learn and acceptance of things he can’t change. The Aesir will always be his family, but he has accepted that part of him will always be Jotun as well. It helps that he no longer looks at that part of himself as monstrous. Now, it’s the part that helped him bond to you in a beautiful, irrevocable way. 

Loki is practically vibrating out of his skin when the first real snow storm hits, blanketing the city in several inches of icy white fluff. You have to keep reminding him you’re human and need layers to keep warm as he anxiously paces by the door in nothing more than jeans and a leather jacket. Once you’re adequately bundled, you follow Loki out into the cold to walk around Central Park and sip hot cocoa from a street vendor. The look on Loki’s face when the tiny white flakes hit him is incandescent. They cling to his face and hair, melting much slower on him than they do on you. He’s like a kid in a candy shop as he leads you down the street, icy slush under your boots. You give him two hours wandering around the cold before you start heading home, chilled to the bone but happy to get to see him in his element like this. 

You’re a block from home when Loki’s cell phone sounds in his pocket. He frowns, no one ever calls him on it. You and your friends all text him when you need to reach him and he’s gotten used to the Midgardian technology, even using emojis more frequently now. Though there have been a few hilarious mishaps where context needs explained. _You can’t just send an eggplant emoji, baby. I know what you meant, but that’s not how that emoji is typically used._

Loki sees a foreign number on the screen and knows it’s from New Asgard. “Yes?” he answers carefully. Unsure who would be reaching out to him from there. 

You watch his expression shift and shoulder slump at whatever the person on the line has said. He’s nodding and making small sounds of acknowledgement as he paces on the sidewalk. It’s only a few minutes but you’re burning with curiosity by the time he hangs up from the myriad of emotions that have played out across his face. 

Hanging up, Loki turns to face you, pulling your gloved hand back into his and resuming your walk home. He doesn’t look happy but not necessarily upset either.

“Well?” you prompt.

Loki gives you a side eye glance and a half smile. “Well, we’re going to have a visitor tomorrow.” 

“What time? I’m supposed to work in the morning.” 

“My brother is coming in the morning. Around ten from what Brunnhilde said.” 

“Your brother? Thor? Thor is coming to visit us tomorrow?” you never expected to have a god in your apartment and tomorrow you’ll have two. Life is wild sometimes. 

Loki nods, humming a sound of affirmation.

“Alex can have my shift. You’re not facing him alone.” you decide quickly, whipping out your phone and texting Alex who has been begging for more hours lately. 

“I’ll be fine, darling.” he says but he doesn’t convince you in the least. 

“Nope, we’re a package deal now. And after all you’ve told me about Thor this is either going to be a wonderful reunion or a shit show. Either way, you’re not doing it alone.” 

Loki stops walking and hugs you tightly right in the middle of the busy sidewalk. “I love you.” he murmurs. People dodge around you in typical New York indifference as Loki lowers his head to kiss you reverently. 

“Love you too. Let’s get home, okay?” you tug on his hand, getting him to resume the path home. It’s too cold and you’re fretting over the amount of cleaning that needs to be done before tomorrow morning. 

Thor arrives right on time, Valkyrie in tow, at ten am. The solid raps on the front door have Loki jumping in his seat. Sunny comes down the hall, she had offered to go out but Loki told her it was fine if she stayed. It might help diffuse tension to have more people around. She had seen Loki at his lowest point and he had no concerns with her being around even if things took a more emotional turn. You take Loki’s hand, giving it a squeeze, before he goes to answer the door. 

Thor is larger than life standing in the doorway. He would look like any other twenty something guy in his jeans and multiple layers of shirts if it weren’t for his size. He’s taller than Loki and his shoulders are practically twice as wide. The woman standing next to him is glaring daggers, eyes searching all around for any potential threats. No one has said a word and Loki gestures into the apartment, stepping back so they can enter. Sunny is hanging back, watching the scene unfold with uncertainty but you hurry over to Loki’s side, wrapping an arm around his for support. 

“Welcome, brother.” Loki says at last. 

Thor looks deflates like a popped balloon at Loki’s voice, his shoulders drooping and his expression crumpling. “Brother.” he croaks out, “It’s truly you.” Loki finds himself crushed in the embrace of his brother, squeezed so tightly he can barely get a breath in. You let him go the second Thor grabbed him and stand back, amused at the look of bewilderment on Loki’s face. The woman with Thor rolls her eyes and stifles what may have been the start of a smile. 

Sniffling, Thor pulls back finally. “I thought you were dead. I saw you die.” 

Loki takes a delicate sniff of his own, keeping himself composed out of habit. “Almost, brother, but not entirely. The Eluskans found me in the rubble and revived me.”

“Why didn’t you come find me? You will always have a place in New Asgard.” 

“I wasn’t sure you’d have me. So they dropped me off here and I met Y/N.” Loki looks to you and the love shining in his eyes is enough to make you blush. 

Thor extends a hand in your direction, “It is an honor to meet my brother’s beloved, Lady Y/N.” 

“It’s good to meet you too. Thank you for coming over.” you go to shake his hand but find him lowering his mouth to kiss the back of it instead. 

“She’s my mate, Thor.” Loki clarifies with a slight protective edge.

Thor raises a brow at his brother, “Mate?” 

“The Jotun legends were not so fantastical after all. She’s my bond mate.” 

Thor grins widely before enveloping you in a hug. “Welcome to the family, sister mine.” he booms happily. Pulling back there are fresh tears in his eyes. He waves a hand at his companion, “Brunnhilde, can you believe it?” 

The woman, Brunnhilde, shakes her head. She looks amused and exasperated with the blonde giant. “Not a bit. Our brief encounter on Saakar was enough for me, I can’t imagine sticking around this weasel for a lifetime.” Her words are without malice though, and she finally steps forward to give Loki a quick, back slapping hug. 

“Good to see you too, Hilde.” Loki tells her. 

“New York is treating you well brother.” Thor comments, still beaming with happiness. “You look well.” 

Loki nods, “Yes, I’ve been quite well. Never better, actually. Do you have time to stay for brunch? I know this was just to verify my existence but you’re more than welcome to stay for a bit.” 

“Of course we’ll stay. This wasn’t just a formal visit, I wanted to see you. I missed you, brother.” 

“I missed you too.” Loki admits, surprising even himself. 

“I can call in brunch from Alfonso’s.” Sunny offers, startling everyone. She was so quiet, even you had forgotten she was there. 

“Thanks Sunny. Just get a bit of everything and put it on my card.” you tell her. 

Thor looks dumbstruck as Sunny heads off to place the order. Clearing his throat he asks, “Who is that?” 

“Sunny, my sister. She lives here too.” You’re curious at Thor’s reaction. 

“Sister?” he parrots, still holding himself perfectly still despite his eyes trailing Sunny’s every move in the living room.

“Her family adopted me so yeah, sister. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten though.” 

“It’s good to have family around.” Thor says, finally seeming to shake himself. 

Brunnhilde rolls her eyes and smacks Thor roughly on the arm. “Behave you oaf. You can stick around as long as you’d like but I’m going to head back if you’re good here.” 

Thor glowers at her and it should be terrifying but instead she just laughs at his expression. “I’ll be back later.” he grumbles when she’s unimpressed by his attempt. 

“Y/N, lovely to meet you. Good luck keeping that one in line. Loki, if you’re ever in Denmark and want to stop by, keep driving.” 

Loki laughs lightly and pulls her in for a proper hug this time, “Bye for now, Hilde.” 

You give her a quick handshake, and Brunnhilde is off, leaving the four of you alone in the tiny apartment. 

Loki is a surprisingly good host, offering to make Thor a cup of coffee and showing him around the apartment. Thor is impressed with how well Loki has acclimated to modern life and Loki preens a little under his brother’s praise. Over brunch Loki and Thor catch up on the past few months, it’s emotional and Loki keeps reminding Thor, “It’ll be better now, brother. We’ll be okay.” 

As the meal winds down the brothers both start reminiscing about their childhood on Asgard. Their memories are bittersweet and often times funny. Sunny and you chime in a few times with stories of your own. It’s comfortable spending time with Thor, almost like he’s always been around. Except for the way he keeps looking at Sunny. The poor man keeps looking over at her like she’s hung the moon, savoring every word that falls from her lips. Sunny is, much to your surprise, equally smitten. Thor isn’t exactly her type but she keeps giggling and pushing a lock of hair behind her ear nervously. You know this look on her and it seems like she’s as gone on him as he is on her. Loki seems to have taken notice as well and shoots you a conspiratory smile. 

You offer to clean up the brunch dishes with Sunny while Loki shows Thor how to text on his cell phone, insisting it will be easier to communicate this way. Sunny is watching Thor from the kitchen with open adoration, a small sigh escaping her lips when Thor barks a laugh at something Loki shows him. 

“Earth to Sunny.” you tease, “Earth to Sunny-bunny.” 

Sunny swats at you with the dish towel she’s holding. “Oh shut up, Y/N.” 

“What? You’re the one making googly eyes at my brother in law.” 

Her face falls, “Oh. Is that weird?” 

“Hell no.” you shake your head adamantly, “If you like him you should ask him out. He seems sweet and after all those two have been through, the fact that they’re both making an effort to reconnect shows you they’re good men at heart.” 

“Doesn’t he live all the way in Denmark though?” 

“Stop making excuses. He’s a quick bifrost hop away. Come on, Sunny. You haven’t dated since Dale and that was a year ago.”

“Dale was a dick.” 

“And you shouldn’t let that stop you from dating again.” 

Sunny nods, chewing on her bottom lip thoughtfully. 

Loki and Thor have gotten up and are hugging each other fiercely. “I’ll be back soon brother.” Thor tells him. 

“Good, I can show you Central Park and the ducks.” 

“I look forward to it. I’ll text you to set up a day that you’re free. You must be busy with your studies. I still can’t believe you’re going to college. I’ve heard it’s a wonderful Midgard experience.” 

Loki huffs out a laugh, looking exasperated with his overly enthusiastic brother. “Yes, it’s quite something. Take care, brother.” 

Thor turns to go when Sunny finally squeaks his name. The towering god freezes, turning slowly to the tiny blonde. “Yes, Sunny?” he asks, voice tinged with uncertainty. 

Sunny toys with a strand of hair nervously. “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me the next time you come by?” 

“Sure, we can all go see the cafe you and Y/N work at.” 

“No, I mean. I mean. Just… us.” 

Thor’s eyebrows lift, almost hitting his hairline. “Oh.” 

“Yeah.” Sunny gives him a flirty smile and gentle shrug.

“I would love nothing more than to go get coffee with you. Perhaps I could text you as well to set up a date?” 

Sunny nods fiercely, “Gimme your phone. I’ll put my number in your contacts.” 

Thor hands over his phone and Sunny plugs in her information with trembling fingers.

Thor says his goodbyes again and heads out to jump the bifrost back to New Asgard. Sunny is all smiles and excuses herself leaving you and Loki to sprawl out on the sofa to relax for a bit. 

“I can’t believe Sunny and your brother are going to go out.” you tell him, carding your fingers through his hair. 

Loki shifts, making himself more comfortable on your lap where he’s pillowed his head on your thighs. “I’m actually not surprised. They’re very similar.” 

“As long as they’re both happy, I suppose.” 

“What did you think of him? You seemed to get along.” 

You nod, thinking before speaking. “He seems nice, he genuinely cares about you which was good to see. I’m glad you two were able to reconnect. I think being apart wore on him.” 

“I think so too. But you didn’t find him handsome? Charming? Sunny certainly did. It’s okay, women have been throwing themselves at Thor for a millennia.” 

“Sunny can have him. You’re the only one I want. He pales in comparison to you, baby. You have to know how much I love you.” you push your flood of emotions through the bond until you see a prickle of tears forming in the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry if no one ever put you first, before Thor, in your life. But you damn well deserve to be.” 

Loki shifts up, straddling your thighs with his and wraps his arms around your shoulders, holding onto you for support for a moment. You run a soothing hand along his back, letting him bask in the closeness and warmth of your love. 

Finally Loki leans back to brush his lips against yours, “Thank you.” he whispers against them. 

Your reply is hushed, quiet against his mouth. “Always.”

xxXxx

Thor begins making regular visits to Manhattan now that he’s reunited with his brother. Loki begins to look forward to Thor’s visits and some days the two of them just head out, exploring the city together for hours on end. They take you and Sunny out for stupidly fancy dinners despite your protests that pizza will suffice. They do relent sometimes though and the four of you hang around the apartment watching movies and eating take out. Sunny and Thor are sweet together and both you and Loki are happy for your adoptive siblings. 

Loki learns more than he ever expected to about the Jotun now that he has Thor helping him look for information. Every so often Thor will show up with huge tomes, plopping them down on the dining room table with a loud thump. Loki will pour over them for hours, lost in the history and legends. Sometimes he comes out of it beaming with new information that he shares with you while you’re tangled up together in your bed. Other times he’s quiet, shut off for a few hours, having learned something particularly upsetting and needing time to process the information before sharing it with you. 

Thor has joined in the search for Apples of Idunn, promising Loki they’re close to finding some on a far off planet only two galaxies away. They have a botanist who thinks they can grow the trees in New Asgard if they can get their hands on the seeds. It would be a great discovery for their people if they could, but not something they would be able to make public knowledge. Too many people would be willing to commit unspeakable crimes for the promise of immortality. Thor hasn’t said it yet but you suspect he’s not just looking to get one for you at this point. You wonder if Sunny will eat one too if offered. It would be a blessing being able to live out an eternity with your sister but you won’t push her to accept it. 

Loki has started looking around at galleries in the cities, considering taking an internship at one of them. You encourage him to go for it, you’re starting to put out feelers for post graduation jobs as well. The New York Post is still your top choice but you’ll be happy to get your foot in the door just about anywhere. Loki is supportive, listening to you fret over applications and exam scores. He knows you’re capable of anything you set your mind to and he isn’t as worried about you getting a job at the Post as you are. 

“You’ll be fine, darling.” he purrs, holding you close in the bed you share. 

“I just wish they’d hurry up and send out the letters already. I’m stressed enough about this last semester without worrying about a job too.” 

“Might I remind you, you’re married to royalty? You don’t even have to work unless you want to. Which,” he adds quickly sensing your frown, “I know that you do and I want you to do whatever makes you happiest.” 

You resume your snuggling, appeased by his words. “How did I get so lucky, hmm? I never dreamed I’d even meet you let alone fall in love with you.” 

“It’s your butt.” Loki deadpans. 

You roll over, eyebrow quirked at him. “Really? My butt?”

“Yeah. It’s your butt. It’s da bomb. There will be no survivors.” Loki holds his serious expression for just a moment before it cracks into a smile.

“Oh my god!” you shove at him lightly, “I knew I never should have introduced you to Brooklyn 99.” 

Loki slides his hands to grab your butt and pull you closer, kissing you through your giggles. 

“I didn’t expect to find you either.” he admits quietly once you’ve both settled back down. “I thought I’d be alone forever, no one could look past the things I’ve done and still see a man worthy of love. But then came you. And you were the answer to the prayers I didn’t even know I’d been making.” 

“I’m glad you found me. You deserve a chance at a normal life. All the work you’ve put into adapting to my world, you’re thriving here. I love you so much, baby.” 

“I love you too, princess.” 

Loki sprinkles light kisses across your shoulders, sated by the tiny quiet sighs you make when he does it. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to adequately thank you for how much you changed his life. Six months ago he was rattling around waiting to die and now he feels more alive than he has in fifteen hundred years. You opened his eyes to the world around him, helping him to see everything possible for him. Friends, family, love. Things he only used to dream of while he kept himself closed off from the possibilities. Loki knew he would have to keep working on himself, he still had things he needed to overcome to be the man he wanted to be, but with you by his side, he knew he’d get there. With you, his future was limitless.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets of your lives after the main fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay lovelies, here it is, as promised. The very last little bit in this AU for you. Thank you all again for all the love and support over the past two weeks! Love ya’ll! XOXO - Ash

  * Thor starts visiting twice a week, once to hang out with Loki and once to take Sunny out on a date. Loki and Thor have never been closer. 
  * Loki goes through his first Jotun rut right after Valentine’s Day, his mating cycle ramping up now that he has a mate. 
  * It goes on for a week and you love every minute of it. Afterwards you both take a second week to recover. You already can’t wait for next year. 
  * You finally get a job offer with the New York Post right before spring break.
  * Loki insists on taking you to The Bahamas to celebrate.
  * Thor invites himself and Sunny along, not understanding why you all can’t have alone time together.
  * Loki takes a job at the MET giving tours of the ancient worlds exhibits.
  * Sunny moves to New Asgard after graduation, surprising everyone. She and Thor have never been happier.
  * Loki and you find an old brownstone in Manhattan you both love and Loki buys it for you as a graduation gift. He’s so excited that you just go along with it. He’s an over the top bastard, but he’s yours.
  * Sunny and Thor come to visit after you move. They’ve been living together for two months and she announces she’s pregnant. Loki almost faints at the words “Uncle Loki”.
  * Thor finally gets his hands on a box of Apples of Idunn. You and Sunny both eat one, teasing the guys that honeycrisp are still better. 



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s all folks! I hope you enjoyed this last little bit. If you’re going through AU-withdraw I have a playlist over on Spotify that I created while writing this. Link is [HERE](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2xRJRY8Vhcqfwya5H305E4)


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